I’m (24f) trying to stop having gay thoughts about my friend (25f)
How to stop having gay thoughts about friend(/ex situationship)?
There’s this new friend that I’ve been getting close to. We met 5 months ago in public and we instantly hit it off, insane tension. Went on very few dates, kissed, hooked up. Then she realized she doesn’t want me in that way and does not want a relationship right now.
Since then we talked it out and got more vulnerable and open with each other. We pretty much have not stopped hanging out since we met and keeps getting closer.
I really enjoy our platonic time with each other, and she does not want more right now. She is such a light in my life and I do not want to lose her. We have a very real genuine intimate friendship that sometimes feels romantic.
The problem is I am still very much in love with her, I never felt this much for someone before, she is very special to me. She set a physical boundary for us that I’ve been respecting. We hug deeply twice whenever we hangout when we greet each other and say goodbye.
I’ve been purposely leaving a whole person’s physical distance (leave room for jesus) between us. Sit way too far apart. Make sure I don’t accidentally bump into each other. Avoid prolonged eye contact. Averting my glaze and focusing on looking at the ground. Look down when she’s changing beside mw. Make sure she doesn’t catch me checking her out. Move all around the gym when we’re working out together to not stare at her lifting heavy. Stop complimenting her as much. I’m really trying to keep my attraction in check.
This morning I woke up and have a epiphany: I just need to stop having gay thoughts. It’s normal for two girls to have close intimate friendship that feels romantic. Two dykes can be just friends. A butch and a femme can be just friends. We’re just two girls hanging out. It’s normal for girls to hang out.
Can you guys give me some advice to stop having so much gay thoughts? My gay thoughts messed up multiple friendships growing up, and I really would like to maintain our platonic close friendship. I’m having the most fun hanging out with her and I want to keep her in my life without making it weird.
tldr: I’m good platonic close friends with my ex situationship now but I still have gay feelings for her.