(Repost from a different account)
I (26 F) recently became a full-time caregiver for my disabled mom and was forced to move into a shared room with her in a tiny apartment with my verbally abusive grandma, who gives me little to no privacy.
I started dating a guy months ago, and I’ve never been so aroused and needy in my life. I’ve been going into the living room when no one’s around to relieve myself. There are curtains now, but they weren’t always there. I used to go to the bathroom all the time.
I’ve been in situations where I’ve wanted to send him stuff, and I’ve gone into the living room with the risk of being caught to show him stuff, fully exposed. I do it on the couch, and I keep my pants close by to quickly react, but I feel like a monster. There have been a few times where the PSWs for my mom were coming soon, and I made sure to close the curtains and prepare to jump up if they did walk in. I had to jump up once when the curtains were closed to cover myself. I also masturbated once while they were in the opposite side of the house because I was so pent up. Again, the curtains were closed, and I would’ve immediately stopped if they walked by.
I have little to no privacy whatsoever. The PSWs come three times a day, and I’m woken up early every morning. My grandma is extremely verbally abusive, and I get shamed for locking the bathroom door or staying in there too long. I don’t know what else I’m supposed to do, but I feel like a monster with no self-control. I’ve even made noise at times when my family’s been home, especially when having sexy time with my partner, and I feel so guilty. It’s like I’ve lost all care in the world lately because of the situation I’m in.
Am I a monster? 😭