This subject is super new to me and my husband, I’ll give some background info and then my questions. Me (f31) and my husband (m41) are Christian’s and the bible guides our every decision. We never knew poly was an option and started our married monogamous and are currently such. We study and read the bible every single day, random topics and such.
I have a best friend we’ve been close like sisters for 23 years since we were like 7 years old. She’s my second half we are inseparable. A month after I was married her 5 year relationship with her boyfriend ended and it really destroyed her. So we invited her to visit us since I moved out the country and stay with us for as long as she wanted to recoup and figure out what she wanted to do with her life. This started a now 9 years of her visiting back and forth from her home in another county to our home for months at a time. She’s supported me with my two pregnancies and raising my kids. She has lived with us on and off for probably a total of 3/4 years. I never felt threatened because she really isn’t a sexual girl she had one boyfriend her entire life that she had sex for first time at 20. We never really talked about sex or have I even seen her naked, for context I’ve seen all my other girl friend naked changing clothes and such the usual but not even this friend. So I wasn’t worried they would do anything and for the 9 years they didn’t and my husband wasn’t even sexually attracted to her.
Now first month postpartum with my second child, she was visiting and she was spending time w me and my husband kind of got jealous and was asking to spend time with either one of us. We both said no because we recharge better together than doing what he likes. It became a fight and he asked for her to go home. We all felt sad at the idea because she didn’t want to come back anymore. But an additional feeling my husband admitted after that was that he started to fantasize about her and I. He said he never before but now that he was “losing her” he realized he had feelings for her. This was really and still is hard for me to understand. I get him loving her because I mean he has basically lived w her how could he not but the concept of him wanting to have sex with her or her have his children too is just a lot for me. I want to not be jealous I want to support him and be understanding but how do I get over jealousy? How do I stop feeling like if he were to have sex with her how could he! How could he have that type of bond idk. So I’d really like advice on how to adjust my thinking. Polgyny was approved by Jehovah and so my husband is not wrong in how he feels. But I just don’t know how it would work.
Also my friend she’s not into the idea and we wouldn’t become social pariahs in order to include her into our marriage so it’s not like it’s going to happen. But I need to be ok with the hypothetical and I don’t want it to bother me. Any advice from people currently in a marriage with two wives? How does sex work? How does it feel to share? How do you not feel like your sex with him is not less then as special as it was when it was just you.