I honestly don’t know what to do anymore
I am writing this post mostly just to vent. Any advice is welcome too because I am genuinely so confused right now.
My father got diagnosed with a grade 4 brain tumor almost a year ago. Glioblastoma.
I was always worried about my mother because she already had health complications, but I never even imagined something like this happening to him. Until now, the medicines were working fine. The tumor wasn’t spreading much and was even decreasing very slowly.
But today, after reading the scans, the doctors said it may have reached the spine.
I had already read about this tumor before. Deep down I knew one day things could get worse, but actually hearing it still hit me hard. Seeing him in so much pain hurts so much.
My mother is handling almost everything. Hospital visits, medicines everything.She gets so stressed and I can see how much it’s affecting her too. Meanwhile I’m mostly away at college, almost 1000 km from home, when they probably need me the most. I know realistically I can’t do much apart from small things, but just being there matters.
We also have some loan on us.
I genuinely cannot focus anymore. My hands shake sometimes, my mind feels numb, and even if I attend classes my brain is somewhere else completely. People around me feel so immature sometimes that I don’t even feel like sharing anything with anyone. And honestly, what changes after sharing? What’s happening is happening.
Still, I’m posting here because I think I need to let it out somewhere.
What do I even do now? I try forcing myself to study or stay normal, but then days like today happen and it completely breaks me again. There’s a lot more going on than what I’m writing here, so yes, it genuinely is a very tough time for me right now.
I don’t know if this phase will end soon or much later. I just know it feels like hell right now. And I’m scared that if I keep functioning like this, my future will get ruined too.
I genuinely don’t know how to deal with all this.