Underweight and failing at life
I was diagnosed with ADHD a few years after getting married and while not diagnosed yet, I am 99.9% sure I also have autism. It makes much more sense to me than adhd alone. I plan on reaching out to my doctor to seek an official diagnosis (whenever I get around to making that phone call…) but part of me feels like it’s useless because I go through Tricare. My first therapist told me nothing is wrong with me, I just have no purpose in life and need to get a “real” job. My second therapist came after my adhd diagnosis and she didn’t help, she barely spoke. She asked me “how was your last week? What are you doing today? What are you doing later this week?” And nothing ever more. It was more of a space for me to just talk about whatever while she “listened.” I hated it.
I have always been underweight and now at 5’6, I’m down to 92 lbs. it’s almost summer and I’m still wearing pants and hoodies to hide my skeleton-looking body. Even when I am hungry, I struggle to find foods that I actually want to eat (and I cannot force myself to eat, my throat closes up and makes me physically gag). I’m extremely picky, hate dairy and lactose intolerant, not supposed to eat gluten but I do, I don’t want to eat processed foods, I hate vegetables. Going into the kitchen to make food is the bane of my existence (takes me 3 hours to make something that should take 30 min). My doctor won’t let me continue adderall or any medication bc I don’t weigh enough. I can’t keep my house clean, I’m failing as a toddler mom, I don’t want to leave my house, my memory is so bad that I don’t even trust my own experiences because I probably remembered it wrong. I’ve been to the doctor multiple times over the last year because I dropped my 108 to 92 in 2 months. The only thing written in my medical notes is “increase caloric intake,” which feels impossible.
Any advice of easy foods to eat for picky eaters? To gain weight? To manage all the symptoms on my own? I’m not sure what to do at this point. It feels like I’m going to die stuck on my couch and malnourished.