I (25F) am best friends with him (26M) for years, and we lived together for almost four years. We built our lives around each other, creating routines and providing emotional support. I’ve wanted to marry him since I was 16.
During that time, there was another woman (24F), his coworker. They dated briefly for about a month but stayed close after, and there were feelings between them.
Recently, he told me he had to choose someone to marry due to family’s concerns and he loved both of us and couldn’t decide who to hurt. He asked me what I wanted. I wanted a future with him, but there was one major difference in values that I couldn't overlook, so I couldn’t say yes. She was okay with it, and now they’re together.
I don’t blame him for any of this. He’s been honest, and we just want different things for the future. He believes what we have doesn’t have to end; he thinks our bond can exist as a strong friendship. In his view, that may even be more stable in the long run.
The problem is with me. It doesn’t feel the same to me, and I’m having trouble adjusting.
What hurts is seeing him move on with someone else while I’m still emotionally attached. It feels like I’ve lost the life I imagined for years. At the same time, I feel really alone. Many people around me are in relationships, and I’m struggling to be okay on my own without comparing myself to others.
Length of relationship: about four years (lived together and deeply emotionally involved)
Question:
How do I move on in a situation like this? How do I accept that he’s with someone else, let go of the future I had in my head, and deal with the loneliness without constantly comparing my life to others?
TL;DR:
I (25F) chose not to pursue a future with my best friend (26M) due to a difference in values. He’s now with another woman (24F). I don’t blame him, but I’m struggling to move on, accept it, and cope with feeling alone.
Edit: The difference in values was that our views on autonomy within a relationship were very different, and I eventually realized it would make me unhappy long-term.