u/Beautiful-Ad-8439

I have had chronic migraines for as long as I can remember and I have tried a LOT of treatments. they usually made me really tired or sick and changed nothing with my migraines.

I have been going through cycles : I get frustrated with my pain -> go see a neurologist -> feel hopeful about finding a solution -> try it -> doesn't work -> give up and keep living with my headaches until I get frustrated again.

I also do a lot of research about it to try to find relief. Today, I saw a neurologist I saw like 5 years ago and then I moved to another country and couldn't continue my treatment. I had in mind that botox is my next option and I really think it could work. I didn't even have to mention it and he suggested it !! I am so glad he didn't recommend another drug.

I am still a little nervous but I truly think this could be my last time in the cycle. He referred me to a pain clinic and he has been very assertive in making sure I get treated quickly.

I can't even imagine what life would be like without the headaches, it would open so many doors for me.

A bit of context, I have moved to a smaller city about 2 years ago. It is close to bigger cities where most of the friends I have made in these years live. I have just quit a job that was really terrible and now I am going through a very tough time recovering from it. I have been fairly vocal about this to my friends and family.

Being alone does not stop me from doing things. I will still go through my days, try new things, eat out, see movies... But this loneliness is crushing me.

Everyday, I feel terrible and I have no choice but being alone.

My friends wont come see me. I try to invite people over, cook for them whatever I can do to sell it but they never do. I always have to go there and I don't always have the energy to (it's a 30min train). I try so hard to make friends and connections, I do group activities and try to stay in touch with the people I meet. I am not a shy person, I am confortable talking to strangers and I have been doing this regularly lately because it is my only way to have a conversation during the day. I have also tried to keep in touch with my friends from before I lived here but they don't really answer much.

Sometimes when it gets very bad and I feel like I can't be alone I call a loneliness hotline or go to the gym just to be around people and it makes me feel a bit better.

I just feel like I am putting so much work into getting out of my loneliness for nothing. In the end, if the people I meet don't want to spend time with me or are just busy with other things it is their right and I am not mad at them. I am mad at my situation. I am sick of feeling like a burden to people. I think I deserve to have a support system during these very tough times and I cannot find it, I feel betrayed by the world, I feel frustrated, I feel failed.

I will keep fighting, talk to people, keep in touch, because I am hopeful but oh boy oh boy it hurts.