Should I continue seeing her ?
Hey guys , I’m really confused about a girl I’ve been seeing, and I want an outside perspective.
We went on 3 dates.
On the dates themselves, things felt good. We laughed a lot, joked around, held hands, hugged, and on the third date we kissed. The kiss was good and I liked it. When I’m with her, I often feel warm, calm, and physically drawn to her. For example, during one of our dates at the cinema, I really wanted to sit close to her, hold her, and just be near her. I also miss hugging her.
But the problem is: outside of the dates, I become extremely doubtful.
I don’t feel that “crazy in love” feeling. I don’t feel obsessed, I don’t feel like “this is definitely my future wife,” and I don’t have that intense rush where I can’t stop thinking about her in a passionate way. Instead, it feels calmer. I like her, I’m attracted to her, and I enjoy being with her, but I’m not overwhelmed by strong certainty.
Part of me feels like maybe what I’m experiencing is mostly physical attraction and emotional warmth. Sometimes I wonder if I’m just attached to the hugs, the kiss, and the feeling of closeness. I also question whether I’m actually deeply into her, or if I’m more afraid of losing her and what we had. Another fear I have is that if I keep seeing her, I’ll get even more attached, and then it will be much harder to walk away later if I realize she’s not right for me. It happened with me before. I had really hard time to break with my ex, there was so much drama.
At the same time, another part of me thinks that if I truly didn’t like her, I wouldn’t miss her, want to see her, or want to hold her. I do enjoy her personality and her sense of humor, and I genuinely feel good when I’m around her. Because of that, I keep thinking that maybe not every real connection has to start with insane passion or that overwhelming “crazy in love” feeling.
There are also a few things that make me hesitate. She can seem a bit serious or not very smiley with other people, and sometimes she makes sexual jokes that make me question if she had many sexual partners.
So my main question is: should I keep dating this girl, or is the lack of strong desire already a sign that I should stop? I already haven’t texted her for a week , and she probably wonder I didn’t I set up another date already. I feel like I need to decide, it bothers me for a week already.
I am 31 , she is 27