u/BeardedWonder23

I've been thinking about what I did a lot. I been having sleepless nights and I think you know that. I think about how I should have done things differently. You and I had our parts to why things are the way they are. Understand what I am going to say next. Please? I am going to reiterate that this is not me blaming you and it may come of that way but don't see it that way ok? I blaming us and how we went about things.

You were still doing the same things that made it fail the times before. I've been trying get you to see that. I told how I felt about that and asked you why you felt the need to do that. You hinted that I am trying catch or expose you. Why do you think that? The reason why I wanted you to change that is because I wanted this to feel real unlike the times before. Before, it felt like we were dancing in the shadows and that day when you denied the stuff we did broke me. That's why I wanted to break away from that.

I was trying to course correct because I really want this and you say you want to talk too, but do you really want to? How you go about that shows and indicates how you really want this to be. It's showing that you are ready to deny it all over again. You say you're getting the feeling that it's going to be like before. I don't want it to be so can we change how we do things and actually start trying to really grow whatever this is between us like you have said before.

Can we course correct this together? I feel like this is where our disconnect is. We try to do things our own way that we think is right individually and it just messes everything up and makes it worse for the other.

Where is that person that said we're one? Where is that person that said I don't ever get her upset? Where is that person that would say good morning my *my name*? Where is that person that said I am on her mind? Where is that person that said they feel comfortable talking to me and getting to know me? Where is that person that said she likes how natural it comes off is what she likes about us? Where is that person that said she is happy we met?

I know you said that you want to share a lot about yourself one day, but you want to do it when you feel safe and build trust to do that. I understand that. There was a perfect day to do that. That day was when we were supposed to go to the movies together. It was going to be just you and I and nobody else. I really want to know what happened that day because that was the turning point of all this and why things are the way they are.

You are probably thinking why I am still here trying? You said you know me so well and how I think so I think you know. I told you that I wasn't going to let anyone in and had my mind set on being alone. I've had bad experiences to where I didn't want to pursue or start anything. Then you came along when I least expected it to and I thought to myself maybe I can give it one last try and whatever happens it I was going give it my all and be myself instead of not letting anyone in. I was genuinely being myself before that turning point and the beginning of the point of no return.

I've thought about all things that have happened and actions we took. I could have made better decisions and actions. I know that now. I am ready to do things differently. I am ready to do it the right way. I want to know if you are ready to do things differently and the right way. I hope you are. I haven't given up hope. I haven't given up on you. If you want me to give up, then tell me that. If that's the case, then please know that I gave it my all to keep it all going and that I was and am serious about all this. I believe we both deserve a chance at redemption and really believe we can do this if we put our mind, heart, and willpower to do this.

What do you say? I really want you to really think about all this and what I said. I wish we could talk about all this. This is me and you know that.