I’ve been with my boyfriend for 4 years and this has never really been a huge issue until recently. I’ve always been pretty open about where I stand. I would say I’m more agnostic/atheist. I don’t know if there’s a God, but in my heart I just don’t believe.
He grew up going to church only on holidays, so I always knew it was somewhat part of his life. But lately he’s been taking it way more seriously and we’ve been having a lot of conversations about religion. Now it has turned into him saying he doesn’t know how we could build a future or a family together if we don’t share the same beliefs.
I’ve tried to meet him halfway. I told him I would keep an open mind and even go to church with him sometimes, but I can’t force myself to believe something I just don’t feel. I’ve been reading and looking into it more, and honestly it has just made me feel more conflicted. There are things in the Bible that don’t sit right with me, and I see too many conflicting things. The part that’s really hurting me is that he’s starting to make me feel like I’m not good enough because I don’t believe. He says he prays for me and that he thinks I’ll “get there,” but it also feels like if I don’t, then our relationship is over.
I also don’t know when I’m supposed to stop trying to believe. I hate that religion is what’s dividing us, because part of me keeps thinking that if God isn’t real, then this would all be over something that didn’t even have to happen. At the same time, I know I can’t force myself into believing just because I love him.
I feel like I can’t be completely honest about certain beliefs or opinions I have because I’m scared he’ll get mad or disappointed in me. That makes me feel even worse because I don’t want to hide parts of myself in my relationship. I want to respect his faith, but I also want to feel respected for where I’m at too.
I love him and I don’t have any issue with his faith. I would support him in that. But I feel like I’m being asked to change something really deep about myself, and I don’t know if that’s fair.
Has anyone been in a relationship like this? Is this something people can work through, or is this just a fundamental incompatibility?
TLDR: My boyfriend is religious and wants me to believe in God, but I’m not sure I can. I’ve tried to stay open minded by reading, watching videos, and even considering going to church with him, but I still have a lot of doubts. I feel heartbroken because I love him, but religion is starting to divide us and I’m scared this might decide the future of our relationship.