My (23M) Grandfather (95M) is very conservative, He has been like this ever since I could grasp the concept of sexuality from a young age. Every time anything LGBT shows up during conversation he always groans or makes snarky remarks under his breath and has zero shame about it, often making his takes known to the whole family during gatherings. My family has tried many times to widen his horizons and attempt to open his mind a little bit, But it's evident that he his firm in his beliefs, My Grandmother has attempted to do this as well but she's not as bothered, We think she is just trying not to cause conflict in her marriage and the time they have left together.
Recently I was having a conversation with some co-workers, We are all very close and the topic segwayed into LGBT and politics, I was kind of half listening because I'm not political and I don't have much to add to these convos. For the record I'm asexual and many of my co-workers are gay/bi. At some point I mentioned my grandfather and his insane takes, One of my co-workers (19) encouraged me to talk to him more and "sway him" Now here's the problem.
My Grandfather is on his deathbed, He is in the hospital hooked up to a ventilator, Can barely talk and is already starting to forget some of the family including my mother, He has WEEKS left maybe a month at most, I love my grandfather despite his flaws, I try to visit him every day in the lead up to the inevitable. My whole life he has been a very funny guy when he's not being a complete dilhole and a lot of my humor come from him and my father. I told my co-worker this and they doubled down claiming I need to speak to him sooner. I told them "Don't get me wrong I would love if my grandpa could put this hate behind him but at 95 and the state he is in, I just don't see the point in bringing this topic back up, I'm not even sure he would register the conversation properly, As I said my family has tried in the past and gotten nowhere with him"
My co-worker tripled down and accused me of being homophobic and not "standing up for the LGBT community" Over the past few days they have been giving me an attitude and spinning the story to other co-workers without the added context of how unwell he is and that he could pass at any moment. I feel like they are making this situation all about them and aren't considering my feelings. Am I the asshole?