Compatability and In-Laws
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I'm 36 female in a long-term 18-year relationship. I've always really loved my husband and valued our relationship because of his kind and charismatic personality. I don't think I've truly felt this comfortable around anybody in my entire life. How is it that I can love my husband so much, but clash so much with my in-laws?
My husband loves his family so much, they really value family time and there's definitely some in enmeshment going on. Has anyone been truly in love with their husband but absolutely hated their in-laws?
We are so different personality wise and our beliefs and way of living just clash. They are typical country hick types, their social gatherings revolve around heavy drinking and while they are nice people, I really don't enjoy myself at any of these family events. They don't ever dress up or go do fun things.
We don't have kids, so this makes it easier to put boundaries in place. But man they just grate on my nerves and they guilt/bug my husband whenever I don't go to events. I find this odd because they don't make too much of an effort to ask others questions about themselves and there are no neutral conversation topics, as it always all about their family. Being introverted and ADHD, I really value my personal space and I feel drained being around them.
How do people make this work and not have this bother them? I've put boundaries in place to only have visits three to four times per year, but I still find myself overthinking it and ruminating about them. They are always in my head! I can't help thinking how we can be compatible when his parents are so different. He is pretty different than his parents in many ways that matter, but there are some similarities personality wise. I honestly hate that they are even in my life but I do realize that they are important to my husband. I expect him to spend time with my family so it makes sense that he would expect that of me...
I think my problem is I cant separate my identity from his parents. I don't want to identify as anything close to them because we are so different and I'm embarrassed to even be associated with them. How do you stay married to the love of your life who loves his family but you can't stand them?
tl;dr how to stop overthinking about in-laws who you do not like. Separating your identity from your in-laws. Not letting thoughts about your in-laws control your life.