My fiancé and I had a disagreement and I’m wondering if I’m overreacting.
We have a 3-year-old and a newborn. There was an overnight stay planned where our 3-year-old was staying with my fiancé’s sister and niece. I was aware of that, but I wasn’t aware that the niece’s boyfriend (mid-20s) would also be there.
I’ve known him for about 3–4 years. My fiancé really likes him, and my daughter seems comfortable around him.
After the visit, they were talking about a game where they were all in a bed under the covers. Apparently at one point the niece left the room, and it was just him and my 3-year-old in the bed, under the covers, and he said she was hugging him.
That’s the part that made me uncomfortable.
I’m not accusing him of anything inappropriate, and my daughter does seem to like him. But I don’t feel okay with a 3-year-old being in bed, under the covers, alone with an adult who isn’t a parent. For me it’s about having clear boundaries and avoiding situations that could be inappropriate or risky, regardless of intent.
When I brought it up, my fiancé said I was overreacting and that it “says more about me” that I’d even be worried about something like that, and that he’s not a predator. She also said that if I have that boundary, it would have to apply to other people too (like family members).
For context, I’m fine with normal interaction (playing, hugging, etc.) when it’s in shared spaces and supervised. It’s specifically the “alone in a bed / under covers” situation that I’m not comfortable with.
Am I overreacting?