An accomplishment I don't talk about often enough
I am someone who is very hard on themselves. I have an autoimmune disorder + an injury to my low back at L5-S1 which took me out of the saddle for almost 3 years. My body has changed. I've changed. There's been so many challenges to stay in the saddle. And I haven't given myself much grace.
But the other day I was talking with a friend and I told her how my 6 year old is doing with his training. I have felt VERY behind with him and he was a huge challenge between 2-4. I finally said "screw it" and threw him out to pasture with my mare and just did low key work with him here and there, until he was 5 and grew a brain.
Now, he is my steady-eddy. We are only trotting in my little bitty indoor arena where I feel safest. But he has been SUCH a dream to work with these last 2 years. He is a gypsy vanner and so, so very kind.
I let my friend know this and she mentioned, "You must be SO proud of him and yourself!" and I agreed that I was incredibly proud of him.
But she continued on, pointing out how I had him home since 6 months and did all of his training by myself. That I got through all the hard (and very dangerous) parts of bringing him up. How I have started him so well with kindness and patience, but a firm hand or voice when necessary. She mentioned that I did this while going through a 3 year health crisis which I am slowly coming out of.
And it just felt nice to have someone recognize what I have accomplished. Because in MY eyes, I have not been consistent due to pain and depression and lack of energy. I still have trouble picking his feet because they are SO heavy. We are only trotting when I hoped we would be jumping by now. I've lost SO much muscle and gained some weight. My stamina is terrible. My lower leg swings when I post my trot. I kind of feel all over the place in the saddle. I've just lost a lot of body...stuff...for riding. But I'm working on it within my new limits.
I'm really grateful for the equestrian friends who are so supportive rather than tearing you down with endless judgement. She has really helped me see that I am still a badass horsewoman with tons of experience and knowledge. That I can still do this, even though it looks different than what it did.
I am just feeling...proud...for once. Please be this kind and supportive to others 🫶🏼 the equestrian community needs more of it.