I’m looking for perspective from people who’ve seen more of life.
I love my father, and I believe he loves me too. He always took care of my needs. But the way I was raised was very controlled, and because of that, I never really developed the ability to make my own decisions.
Growing up, whenever I tried to decide something on my own, I was told I was wrong, even in very small matters. If I didn’t follow his suggestions, I faced heavy criticism, sometimes harsh behavior, and long periods where he would stop talking to me. Over time, this created a strong sense of guilt in me for not obeying him, along with a fear of failure.
This pattern continued through school, college, and university. At the time, I didn’t realize how much it was affecting me mentally.
After university, when I entered practical life, I started noticing the impact. I tried to think independently and, at one point, told him that some of his suggestions were wrong - based on the same standards he had always used. After that, he asked me to leave the house. It’s been over 3 years since then.
Even though he never really expressed love directly after I grew up and mostly responded with criticism when I made mistakes, but despite all of this I still believe he cares, because he always fulfilled my basic needs.
But the long-term effects are still there. I struggle with decision-making, confidence, and managing my life. Because of the constant criticism growing up, I’ve developed a kind of response where if someone speaks to me in a harsh tone, even outside the family, I freeze. My mind goes blank, and I can’t think clearly about how to respond.
Since leaving home, been totally on my own, but also been consistently upset, and it’s affecting my ability to focus on my career.
When I talk to any relative or friend about this, the response is usually the same: that he’s my father, he did everything for me, and whatever I am today is because of him. Sometimes they also bring religion into it. When they tell me that if I don’t keep my parents happy, then GOD will always be displeased with me and I’ll never succeed in life, all my ideas, creativity, and motivation just evaporate. It becomes even harder for me to explain my situation to them, and increases my sense of guilt. At the same time, I don’t want to share everything in detail and make him(my dad) look bad in front of others.
What I actually want is simple: some level of understanding and respectful communication. If he disagrees with me, I would prefer discussion instead of anger, criticism, or months of silence.
At this point, I’m trying to move forward, but I feel stuck.
Any suggestion or advise from those who have more life experience will be appreciated - many thanks.