u/BattyRantz

It feels extremely hard not to go back to watching that stuff, I stopped whenever I first became friends with my now partner but there’s so much urges that I have to control because it feels like extreme cheating whenever I’m in a relationship and doing that stuff and I genuinely need to stop it, I’ve been clean for 5-6 months now and it isn’t just watching porn. It’s CHAI (stupid ai bots. I hate ai and I don’t support it but I used to run to it for comfort and sexual things), It’s hard not to run back to that aswell, Even when I got everything I need in a relationship it crawls in the back of my mind, I feel like a fucking freak dude idk I need advice on how to calm down these urges

I don’t know how to explain this well but both me and my partner don’t want a sexual relationship, I have extreme sexual trauma and I never wanted a sexual relationship with anyone until him, It never became a question before him either. Like we’ve discussed no sexual stuff in our relationship but this is my first healthy relationship, he’s made me feel safe so these thoughts of sexual things that I never wanted creep in, I imagine sexual things but I never act on them ever. I’d rather for that to be until marriage if he decides he wants that but if he truly never wants a sexual relationship then I’ll respect that too. I truly love this man alot actually. He’s helped me heal from my sexual trauma aswell so that’s another reason why I’m having this suddenly towards him, Whenever I think of these sexual things and him doing that stuff to me I don’t think it’s a genuine want though. I’d want a future with him without any of that, Not having to worry about that kind of stuff. Just overall I’m not sure if it’s a genuine want and if it is I’d rather have that whenever me and him are married but even if not. I’ll be okay? I don’t know. This is more of a rant trying to figure out what my issue is