u/Batgirl699

I was in a “situationship” for 8 months (exclusive without the title if you will). This is the shortest relationship I’ve had and it has hurt the most.

I am aware of WHY it has hurt the most; he manipulated me from start to finish. Love bombed me for the first two months until he realized that I finally had feelings for him (it was a slow burn on my part). Became aware of my weaknesses and toyed with them- he knew it hurt me and flat out told me he liked it. I foolishly let him win by making it obvious he was able to get to me. And I foolishly stayed even though I saw the signs. It feels like I was tricked.

It’s been 7 months since we ended things and I still cry about him way too often (he pops up in my brain at LEAST once a day. Sometimes I go a couple weeks without crying over him, but sometimes it’s multiple times a week), it’s like he managed to cast a spell on me where he gets me to the breaking point in which he enjoyed getting me to. And I’m AWARE of all of this, I’m aware I need to let go, I’m aware about the signs and the mental and emotional abuse, I WANT to get over this, I know I’m letting him win by letting him get to me even months of no contact.

What are some tactics that have helped you guys who also went through emotional and mental abuse from a partner? Any good DBT ideas? Books?

I have touched grass SO much, obviously blocked him/got rid of his things/deleted every spec of his existence in my phone. I’ve tried getting under others in order to get over him (TMI I can’t even tickle my skittles without sobbing over him afterwards if you know what I mean.) I’ve deleted instagram, i stopped going to his hometown and try to avoid it, hell I’ve even tried cord cuttings.

It’s like some weeks he CONSUMES my brain and this is one of those weeks. I know it’s getting easier, I’m no longer crying consistently everyday and everywhere but I just can’t seem to let go. I’m starting to worry if he really is the one that got away even though realistically I know he’s not- I’m just becoming drained with hurting over him and my friends and family hate the fact that I’m still struggling so bad over this.

I also know this is deeper than him, my childhood traumas definitely play a part in this. I had no control in the relationship, I begged and begged for him to love me and treat me nice- just like how I desperately wanted my parents to make me feel loved.

Im trying to get back into therapy I’m just in between insurances right now, feeling desperate for advice in a time of me feeling extra low.

Also I’m sorry if none of this makes sense, my brains just chaotic right now.