My whole life, I fell in love with one person. After my first major breakup, I stopped going to uni. I was depressed for a year and couldn’t even get out of bed. I promised myself I would never let anyone break my heart that badly again—but I did exactly that.
I dated other people, but I always kept them at a distance. I couldn’t really feel anything, no matter how hard I tried (which is why no relationship ever worked out for me).
Years later, my first heartbreak and I met again. This time was different—I treated him badly, wanting him to prove that things were different now. He stuck around and made me trust him again. We even decided we should get married.
Then everything went to shit.
I’ve loved this man since I was a kid, all the way up to the age of 27. Now he’s getting married to someone else. I thought I was okay with it, but four months later, my heart feels like it’s sinking deep inside my body. It’s too heavy to carry.
Everything reminds me of him. Every story I tell somehow involves him, and I cannot move on. I’ve tried so hard, but here I am at 4 a.m., crying without making a sound so no one can hear me.
And the sad part is I still love him. now more than ever.