u/Basic-Geologist-8010

I don't want to disclose my age,but I have serious graduation exams which will define if I can enter a university.

My mental state is deteriorating. Since 5 years old I have gone through serious mental abuse and now I am dealing with it more. My mother drinks too much(1 bottle of rum and a beer in the evening yesterday). She touches me in places I have stated I don't like being touched multiple times. She blames me for being born a man and always finds me at fault for something,because her own life is a mess.

My father is slightly better,but he partook in the abuse when I was younger and I don't know if I can trust him now. I cannot call the police or trusted adult/relative. I live in a country where reporting home abuse will bring worse consequences upon me.

My knowledge of exams subjects is not bad,but I also need to know 1st course of the uni to pass additional exams. To put it simply: I need to pass official exams(for everyone) and then additional ones which require knowledge of the subject I thought I would study in the University. But I do know it a bit. Latest 3 months I have been procrastinating,because I cannot concentrate or do anything under stress,constant screaming,threats and new responsibilities. Passing these exams is vital,since it will allow me to gather more documents on my health problems,since the recruitment office ignores them completely and leave this fucking household.

My grades are mostly good and my relationships with teachers are not bad at all,but I don't have any life outside of it. I don't have friends,all of my old friends moved on from me and communication became a drag.I thought I found a girlfriend,but she was just using me,fortunately,I didn't lose much and it just affected my mental state.

I have 4 exams,2 of them should be easy,other 2 can be a problem,but I have already passed easier version of theme aka I have prior knowledge.I need any advice on how to prepare for exams since all my coping mechanisms are shut down.

I don't want to disclose my age,but I have serious graduation exams which will define if I can enter a university. Since 5 years old,I remember my family being an awful place with constant quarreling between my parents. Fast forward to now,I have been procrastinating on preparing for exams for 3 months(I have 1 month left),because I cannot take it anymore. My mother drinks so much(a bottle of rum and a beer in one evening yesterday)and makes constant scandals all the time. I am always in the wrong for something,it is my fault for being born a male,she ignores me saying that I don't like her touching me and still does it,I don't know if my father is any better,but at least he doesn't scream constantly. I cannot call the police,because it will make everything worse. I live in a country where reporting home abuse will have poor consequences for me. I also don't have any relatives/adults who I can trust.My only hope is passing exams and then additional exams at the uni,so I can leave this place,but I don't think I can. My country's economical state is also not so good,but I cannot move to another country,because of the government. I might also have problems with recruitment,since I have troubles with my health,but they are ignored. During the summer of this year I thought that I had found someone who genuinely loves me,but it was just a trick,fortunately,I didn't lose much. I don't have anyone to talk to irl,all my old friends moved on from me and just ignore me.I have some online friends,I wish to see them,but I don't want to fuck their brains out now and some of them are not great at supporting,though they are good people. Is it possible to prepare for exams in 1 month? If you have any similar experience,tell me if you found any way out. I have been trying to lift my spirits,I am an avid fan of Fromsoft games and whole "Hope and ball" culture,but I have not felt any genuine affection or a normal emotion for so long,that it doesn't help,I think that my coping mechanisms are all down and done for and I am trying to avoid doing too much masturbation . I always feel at fault for something,I always need to do something sinde my parents don't trust each other. I think I might have depression,since my pills for nervous system don't help and I am feeling nothing except frustration.Please,tell me,if it is possible to make it in 1 month with prior knowledge of material(relatively good)or I am fucked.