28/M
I hate that I’m being villainized
I hate that she hates me
I hate that she won’t even talk to me at all
“My feelings have changed and I’m doing this for me” is basically all I got.
I’m absolutely crushed, I stayed in this city which is a 17 hour drive from my hometown and family, I had a few friends from university and in my last year university I met my girlfriend. I decided to stay up here because I fell for her so fast and knew she was the one. We had a break up in December over me gambling and smoking weed, I quit them, I thought life was back on track, we were doing well and now this.
It’s profoundly absurd to me how people can claim to love someone and then be okay never talking to them again… it’s not like I cheated, or beat her, or anything of the sorts. And now I’m just some villian it feels.
This is worse then having someone die, because I know that’s final, this is like having them dying but I can still call and try to contact but obvs no answers.
I left no ill will, it’s hard myself to demonize her, I wish I could. She truly was someone special and there is nothing bad I could say about her.
Idk, I’m a guy and talking about my problems to my friends is not really a thing, some can be supportive for a moment but it feels like no one has felt this way
I’m calling “sick” into work, couch rotting, crying, over thinking.
At this point I’m about to give up 20k in work bonuses to move back home next month, going into HR Monday to figure out what I’d miss on/ have to pay back.
Life is shitty, and my person I used to vent to now villainizes me.
Typing things and ranting seems to help a little
I know I need to get back in the gym and get out etc. but idk it’s hard and it’s worse when no one relates to how I’m feeling, feeling lost.
Honestly this is enough to make me never want a relationship again. Do I love to deeply? This was my 3rd relationship lasting over the year mark and holy hell did it hurt more than anything.
I can’t imagine how it would feel if I had kids/marriage in the picture, I’m sick to my stomach at the thought of loss, why would I sign myself up for the possibility of another loss? Sounds like a terrible idea.