I’m so thrown off and so hurt, but at the same time I’m listening to my mom fight me and tell me off, saying I’m disrespectful just because I’m telling the truth about how she doesn’t defend me when my brothers cuss me out, call me out of my name, and say really hurtful things to me.
I understand that my family is honestly very dysfunctional, and I’m starting to accept that. And in accepting that, I’m learning to just focus on what I’m trying to build in my life. Honestly, the only thing I can do right now is pep talk myself—play it calm, go with the flow, let people “win” arguments, and just stay in my room, keep my door locked, and focus on my own path.
Today I was really upset because we had a house inspection. The maintenance man randomly came, and so did the front desk lady. I don’t know why she came too.
The apartment I live in with my two brothers and my mom is honestly atrocious—except for my room, my mom’s room, and our bathroom, because I keep those areas spotless.
They don’t clean up after themselves. There will be fried rice, chunks of meat, broccoli, food everywhere, and they act like they “forgot” or “didn’t know,” and my mom just goes along with it every time.
My older brother is especially difficult. Nobody is really transparent with him—we all kind of “play along” and try to stay agreeable because he has mental health issues that only God knows how to deal with.
Both my older and younger brother treat the living room like a second bedroom. It stays messy—trash everywhere, clothes, personal items, even their friends’ stuff. It just never looks presentable.
They are both grown men. I’m a grown woman too. My mom is in her late 60s.
Every time my brothers do something wrong, my mom either says she “forgot” or acts like it didn’t happen. And when I bring it up, she tells me I’m lying.
There was a situation when we first moved into this apartment. Nobody was happy—we had to leave our home before the pandemic or we would’ve been homeless. We had to move quickly, basically “up a creek” with no time.
My younger brother sometimes struggles with self-esteem and has even admitted it to me. I try to encourage him, especially because we’re Black, and I try to uplift him, remind him he’s a “king,” and speak life into him. Back then, I really meant it.
But things kept happening.
At one point we had a gnat infestation because of dirty dishes. I asked him to dry his dishes because the standing water was making it worse. I said it in a “we’re a team” way. But he had a breakdown over it, and my older brother came in and completely escalated it—yelling, cussing me out, and going off like I had said something horrible when I was just asking about dishes.
The way my family argues is not healthy. It’s circular, it turns into trauma-dumping, and people bring up every past mistake you’ve ever made just to shut you down. It leaves me feeling drained and depressed.
There have also been moments where my older brother has said he doesn’t care that I was almost groomed or that I’ve experienced sexual assault. He’ll just jump into arguments and say really hurtful things instead of actually addressing what’s happening.
Because of things like this, I don’t even feel like we operate like a team anymore.
My mom usually doesn’t intervene. She just says she hates the negativity and tells me to let them “have it” when they fight. But I keep wondering why she can’t just step in and parent properly when things go too far.
When I say that, she gets defensive. One time she even grabbed something in anger like she might hit me, and it just shocked me because she’s never been like that before. I don’t think she would actually hurt me, but the reaction was intense.
There have been many moments where I’ve felt disrespected or unsafe in my own home dynamic. For example, my brothers will eat food, leave mess everywhere, and then get angry over small misunderstandings.
I’m also currently unemployed and trying to get on my feet. My older brother works and has connections through friends, but I don’t have that network right now. I’m trying to make money in small ways just to survive.
So when conflict happens over food or small things, it becomes bigger than it should.
At one point I was even offered $100 to clean certain areas of the apartment, which I agreed to because I need money, but then more and more tasks kept getting added on top of it until it felt overwhelming.
And instead of acknowledging the mess everyone contributes to, I get blamed for not doing enough.
There have even been moments where I felt unsafe around my younger brother during arguments, and I would just leave the area and go to my mom’s room to avoid escalation.
My mom still doesn’t really intervene in a way that feels protective.
I love my family, but I don’t feel supported or emotionally safe here. I feel like I’m constantly told to stay quiet, let things go, and not defend myself.
Honestly, I just want my own place. I want independence so badly. I’m trying to stay focused on getting a job and building my life, even though it’s been really hard and discouraging in 2026.
Sometimes I don’t understand why I’m still in this situation when I’m trying my best. I feel stuck, overwhelmed, and alone in it.
I don’t want to rush into anything or depend on the wrong person just to escape. I just want stability on my own terms.
I’ve even thought about sharing my story online, but I’m trying to stay anonymous and process things more carefully for now.
At the end of the day, I just want peace. I want my own space. I want to be able to breathe without constant conflict.
And I’m holding onto faith that I’ll get there soon.