GAY BREAKUP/ I would really appreciate any REAL advice, explanations, or perspectives, but please be empathetic, honest, and kind with me. I’m honestly destroyed right now.
To explain this in the shortest and clearest way possible: my relationship just ended “mutually,” but the reality is that I was the one who finally had the courage to ask if he wanted to break up after months of feeling like he did. For months I felt him emotionally leaving me little by little.
We met when he was 18. I’m six years older than him, and we were together for five years. I was his first everything. He was the top in the relationship and I’m the bottom/passive partner.
Most of our relationship was full of love, support, growth, and genuine care for each other. Of course we had fights, sometimes really difficult ones, but we usually worked through them because both of us were committed. Our sex life was AMAZING for most of the relationship too. For a long time he treated me like a king, and I tried to do the same for him.
I helped him a lot professionally and emotionally through the years. He now lives alone in his own apartment and has a stable professional life, but his current job started consuming all of his energy. He gained a lot of weight, had no energy for anything, and naturally our sex life became less frequent. Little by little this started damaging the relationship.
He stopped wanting to talk much. He became colder. He spent more and more time gaming and talking with friends and coworkers and less time being emotionally present with me. I started feeling like he noticed how “free” single people around him were, and I honestly started feeling replaced emotionally long before the breakup happened.
I tried so hard to support him through everything. I helped him with medication, encouraged him to rest more because he struggled sleeping, cooked for him, tried to help him exercise, respected his sleep schedule, and genuinely tried to be present for him in every way I could.
Meanwhile, I started feeling more and more alone in the relationship.
We began fighting more often because I became more vocal about the things hurting me. I told him I needed us to work together because I genuinely felt like I was the only one still fighting for the relationship.
One of the biggest issues was sex. He barely touched me anymore even when he knew I wanted intimacy, and many nights he would just fall asleep. Then one day he told me that sometimes he didn’t really feel like a “top” anymore and felt more versatile and wanted to experience being a bottom.
This destroyed me internally because I already have a lot of insecurities from my teenage years. I have erectile dysfunction issues and a lot of insecurity about my body. We even got testosterone tests done because I pushed hard for it (he didn’t really want to). Mine came back extremely low while his was normal, and we realized some of my issues were connected to that.
At the same time, I’m also going through serious problems at work, and during the moment I needed support the most, I felt more abandoned than ever.
Eventually, after I told him one of his responses hurt me, he said he was tired of everything. I asked him directly if he wanted to end the relationship, and he said yes.
I honestly don’t think we’ll get back together. Deep down I feel like I gave everything I possibly could. He even admitted that he agreed I was the one carrying most of the relationship emotionally near the end. He told me he still loved me, but that it simply didn’t come naturally to him anymore to be in the relationship.
I’m desperate. This hurts more than I can explain.
I need honest opinions:
Do you think this happened because I’m a bottom and he wants to explore other things sexually? I personally would never leave someone I truly love just because of sex. I would try to find ways to make it work. For me, real love goes far beyond the physical.
I’m going to treat my hormonal problems with TRT, but should I also actively work on my erectile dysfunction and sexual insecurities? Should I try becoming versatile so this never happens to me again? I have never been a top and when tried was a complete failure.
If anyone has gone through something similar, please tell me your experiences. I feel completely broken and quite lost, more insecure than ever before and in so so much pain, also I have no gay friends I can openly talk about this topics with this much honesty or transparency and it feels so lonely here.