u/Barbhielet

I grew up in a troubled home. Together nga yung parents ko pero laging nag aaway. As early as I can remember I've always wanted to have a family of my own. Makasal. I've envisioned my wedding a thousand times. It doesn't have to be grand as long as its with the person I love. But life has other plans and after 8yrs with my 1st bf that ended in tragedy, I'm 27 now and a single parent to one boy. 2yrs narin pala kaming hiwalay. Ang bilis talaga nang panahon.
Now that I'm older I know that marriage isn't what I had always pictured it to be. Every married woman in my circle is miserable in their own way. Some days I feel this sense of pride and excitement, I'm not tied down to any man who will just disappoint me, I can sleep peacefully knowing na walang lalaki sa buhay ko na mag checheat sakin. I'm at the top of my career, nabibili ko lahat nang pangangailangan at gusto nang anak ko at nang sarili ko.

But there are always nights when I wonder if tanggap na ba talaga nang puso ko na baka wala na talagang lalaki na mag hihintay sakin sa altar. Sometimes I yearn to hear the words "misis ko". Pero, well these are just thoughts that are as small as a whisper and yet they always seem to haunt me at night. I'm not willing to compromise anymore and if there's anything I learned, more often than not, a marriage only lasts because the wife compromises.

I feel like a bad mom dahil pinilu ko ang sarili ko. 8yrs na kami nun nang papa nang anak ko nang mag cheat sha. Halos mabaliw ako. Ako ang tumayong haligi nang tahanan sa 5 taon naming pag live in. I was building a man ika nga. Pero sa mga taon namang yon, kahit di perpekto ang pagsasama namin ay never kami nag ka problema sa babae. Kaya talagamg nawindang ako nung nangyari yun. Hindi agad2 ang hiwalayan, ilang buwan ko din pinilit tanggapin pero hindi talaga, hanggamg sa nag hiwalay na kami. May anak kaming lalaki 7yrs okd at kahit di nya naman lagi hinahanap ang ama nyang naka destino sa manila eh ramdam ko ang pangungulila nya. Sa totoo lng mas masarap ang buhay namin ngayon, maraming blessings ang dumating, single ako at alam kong I made the right decision for myself, kaya nga lang, pag nakikita ko ang anak ko kina kain ako nang konsensha. Mga ibang mommys sa paligid ko nagawang patawarin ang pag checheat nang mga asawa nila para sa mga anak, kaya minsan napapa isip ako. Tama ba na inuna ko ang sarili ko?

Pagod nako e gaslight sarili ko. This loneliness and solitude is driving me insane. I'm 27 and am down to 0 friends, some just outgrew me, yung iba naman may naging conflict kami. Saklap lang kasi I'm such a sentimental person and I can't seem to outgrow the memories we had. 5 people, 12yrs.
I don't think I'll settle down soon. Mashado nakong traumatized sa past relationships ko. Breadwinner tas introvert pako hahaha. I know that i need to tread down this path of learning to enjoy my own company pero hahah ang lala, ang lungkot2. Not to toot my own horn but I can confidently say, I was the friend who was always there, one call away lagi. But now, no one seems to be picking up their phone for me. I would've been fine not settling down if I just had them until my old age. Pero naiintindihan ko na bakit eager mag settle down mga ka edad ko hahah saklap lng.

Hi I'm 27F, single mom, breadwinner.
I don't know how to start this pero if I were to say anything that is that talo na talaga ako ni life.
I grew up pretty sheltered, pa lipat2 pa nang school so sobrang liit lng talaga nang circle of friends ko ever since. I also got with my son's dad pretty young, we dated at 17, I got pregnant at 19 and live in na nung 20. I was also the breadwinner then, but despite the challenges in my young adult life, I was able to keep what little friends I had. I really put in the work, tawag nga nila sakin ay "Glue of the group" kahit me "asawa" na, I would still reach out sa COF ko nung hs to set up hang outs. And for the most part it was peaceful, there were a few bumps but those were the yrs na I felt confident that my friendship will last hanggang sa tumanda na ang uugod ugod hahah
Disaster struck at 25, my BD cheated and all hell broke lose. A lot of things happened but to make the long story short I lost all my friends in a span of 2yrs. I know I have issues, who doesn't? Pero confident ako to say na I was the friend who was always there. Malungkot ka? Tara labas tayo libre ko. Takot ka mag isa? Sge jan ako matutulog para may katabi ka. Wala ka trabaho? Bigyan kita allowance para pang apply mo tas tulungan narin kita mag hanap. I was that friend. Although most times I didn't really get the same energy back, I was already happy to have them in my life.
Yung isa nagalit kasi I called her out when she tried to disclose an incident that happened to me, something I told her in private and it was not her story to tell! Nagalit si accla nung kinall out ko tas pumanig sakin yung ibang friends namin that time. Nag walk out sabay talk shit saken.
Yung pangalawa, sumama sa jowa niyang mentally at verbally abusive, there was this incident na nalaman nung jowa na pinag usapan naming pag ka abusive niya, which is natural lng naman siguro in a friend group? Yun si accla hinamon ako nang jombagan sa mismong burol nang kapatid nang kaibiagn ko. take note bakla sila ha, at malaki shang tao. Nung kinall out ko ka skwateran nya, nagalit. Pero ending sumama parin naman sa kanya yung Gay friend ko.
And lastly yung third and possibly my closest, she lived with me for 2 months when she was unemployed, I helped her get a job and then she dated my other friend's ex bf and then She grew to have this animosity towards me after ex friend confirmed that ex the guy had some fked up obsession towards me.
Corny siguro pakinggan noh? Trentahin na me pero parang pang hs yung issue hahah but it really is rough. I have my son but still I feel so isolated. Masaya na sana ako eh, kahit di na ako mag settle down or makasal, basta nanjan lng sila. But now I know why people my age are so eager to settle down. Friendships don't last pala talaga, especially when you make urself too available.