There was no commitment or labels on his end we were just “talking”. Sex was off the table for me till marriage and everything he was doing for me I learned he would pass along to her. I found out by him making her admin on a playlist he said he made for me. Here I was thinking this man was perfect for me and was willing to wait when he was hanging out with her in his free time.
I ended whatever we had but that event changed something in me. My heart shattered and I learned the false narrative that she is better than me. She is better for him than I am.
They started a sexual relationship a week after I walked away and then She ghosted him after they seen each other for like 2 months. When we reconnected, I was told it shouldn’t bother me bc we weren’t exclusive just talking. I was so defeated and thought that’s how it’s supposed to be. The way I feel, how it makes me feel ; the nightmares I have of her coming into his life and casting me and our 2 kids to the side still happen and I hate it. I hate not feeling good enough, not feeling pretty enough, that I wasn’t worth it.
Now that we’re married and have two kids he’s done the work: stopped drinking, started therapy and hates what he did to me. He hates the effect it has had on me and says he’ll spend the rest of his life making it up to me. Some days I believe him, other days I can’t.
Can people really change? Or am I setting myself up to be hurt again? What was so wrong with me?