u/Bad_Madison

I think about you every second of every day. You’re my whole world. I do everything I can to see you as much as I physically can. I’d change my whole life for you. I’d sacrifice my life for you. I’ll be there at your lowest and when you’re at your best. I want to lay every night with you in my arms. You make me the happiest person alive. I love you, I love you more than I’ve ever loved anyone. I want you in my life, I want to be a family with you. I will fight every day to keep you in my life. I will fight for you no matter what. Losing you has been the most painful experience I’ve ever endured. I want you back, I want our family back. I promise you I will never hurt you again, I promise you I will give you me whether I’m tired or happy. I promise I’ll leave you again. I promise you I’ll always fight for you. I promise I will lift you up instead of drag you down.

But… if you really said that to me, I wouldn’t go back. I would NEVER have you back. Even if you thought this you would never say it, because you know I’d say no. Maybe in 3 years from now I’d feel differently, but we would have moved on by then. And I don’t think I’d ever trust you to not leave me again. Instead, I’m watching you walk away and it’s one of the most painful things I’m experiencing.

I loved you more than I should, because somewhere deep down, I already knew I’ll have to learn how to live without you.

My baby’s dad is demanding to know and have updates on my private mental health stuff. I have another baby dad who has shown no interest in my private stuff like this so I don’t know if I have to legally tell him. I have my first psychiatrist appointment on Thursday morning and I haven’t told him. The relationship was unhealthy and he was emotionally abusive. I don’t want to feel forced to tell him stuff about my mental health. He says it’s because he has a duty of care to our child we share, but surely if my doctor is concerned he will just report to relevant services as he has duty of care too?

I really need advice because I feel almost like I’m being emotionally blackmailed by him using my child to share stuff and I don’t want to. Especially as he’s mostly the reason for me struggling mentally at the moment.