u/Bad-Case-Of-Mondays

I (F20) have struggled with agoraphobia since I was 8 year olds and started having severe panic attack, which I found out when I was 14 was because I have severe OCD. I know I can’t force anyone to forgive me simply because I have agoraphobia because at the end of the day people have a right to be frustrated and disappointed but I’m just wondering how people go about it. My brother is graduating from college and I won’t be able to go, and my best friend is having a huge surgery this week for her pancreatic cancer and I can’t be there and the guilt is eating me alive. I consistently disappoint my friends, family, and partner because it’s so difficult for me to do even basic tasks like going to the grocery store, and the guilt of it just fuels my anxiety, which the fuels the agoraphobia and it’s just a vicious cycle. I think I just need some words of encouragement or something I don’t know I’m just feeling especially awful about myself this month