AITA for telling my husband I don’t want his mother alone with our baby anymore after she did something I can’t prove was intentional?
I (29F) have a 6 month old daughter with my husband (31M). His mom (63F) lives close and helps out a lot. She’s very involved, but also very opinionated and kind of the “my way is the right way” type.
For the most part I’ve appreciated the help. I work part-time from home, so having her come by a few afternoons a week has honestly kept me sane.
A few weeks ago, something happened that I can’t decide how to interpret.
She was watching the baby while I was upstairs on a work call. I came down and found my daughter crying hard in her crib, and my MIL in the kitchen washing bottles. She said the baby had just “gotten fussy” and she put her down to “teach her to self-soothe.”
That already rubbed me the wrong way, but what really bothered me is that my baby had a faint smell of peppermint on her breath. Not strong, but noticeable. My MIL uses peppermint oil on her wrists for headaches, and it’s a very distinct smell.
When I asked her about it, she immediately said she hadn’t given the baby anything, and that I was being paranoid because I “don’t trust her alone.”
I let it go in the moment because I didn’t want a fight in front of the baby.
But later that night, I noticed my daughter refused her bottle in a way she never does. She also kept turning her head away like she was uncomfortable. I ended up calling the pediatrician the next day, and they said there was nothing medically wrong, just monitor feeding.
Here’s the thing that’s making me spiral about it.
My MIL insists she did nothing wrong and that I’m “projecting anxiety onto normal childcare.” My husband says I need to be careful about accusing her of anything without proof because it could permanently damage their relationship.
But I also can’t shake the feeling that something about that moment wasn’t right. Not necessarily dangerous, but not okay. And the fact that she immediately went defensive instead of just calmly explaining it makes it worse for me.
I told my husband I don’t want her alone with the baby anymore, at least for now. He says that’s an extreme reaction to a “vibe” and that she’s been helping us a lot and I’m risking cutting off support over an assumption.
Now she’s hurt and says I’m treating her like she’s unsafe around her own grandchild. My husband says I’m creating a problem where there isn’t one, and I’m letting anxiety override trust.
But I keep thinking, if I’m wrong, I’m just being unfair. If I’m right, I’m ignoring a warning sign because I don’t have proof.
So I don’t know if I’m being protective or irrational.
AITA for banning my MIL from being alone with my baby after something that might have been nothing?
Edit: Someone told me to add this but peppermint oil is very dangerous for babies and can cause seizures.