Medicine?
If this kind of post isn’t allowed, so sorry, I will take it down, but I trust people who have been in my situation before more than I trust people who haven’t (i.e., raised by BPD). I’m curious if anyone else feels this way about medicine? Since I’ve always been handling my depression and anxiety and myriad of issues from my parents on my own my whole life, I have always been resistant to meds, like ssri’s/anti-anxiety/etc. Mostly because I’ve heard it can be a mixed bag. People close to me who take them describe it as being numb to everything around them, always. They hate it. But recently, I’ve been coming to understand that my baseline is rather high, meaning I’m pretty close to panic attacks or depressive episodes all the time, it just takes a lot of repression to keep it down or a small thing to tip it over the edge, if that makes sense? It just feels like it can run so deep one moment and be so invisible the next. “One moment” and “the next” meaning, days or even weeks of being honestly fine. But—to my great embarrassment—I had a panic attack last night with some acquaintances, and one of them recommended I try medicine for once. I did try Zoloft once while postpartum and was so sick from it I never tried it again.
Does anyone else 1) feel like this is a common thing amongst us raised by BPD kids? To feel like you don’t want to dull anything when you’ve been handling it all your life anyway? And 2) does anyone have positive experiences with medicine? Maybe this isn’t the right sub, I just feel like it ties so much into my rbpd upbringing and this personality/mental fortitude construction it caused? That’s not to say I am mentally stronger than people, just that it feels…almost like I have a tolerance and it dips one day and it’s fine the next. But do people really take meds for a darkness that just lurks beneath the surface? I honestly don’t know. I thought it was more for people who are chronically depressed or so anxious they can’t function in society without it.
Any thoughts or advice or experience you have are welcome. Again, I’m sorry if this isn’t a post for this sub.