Warning: I discuss weight and disordered eating.
I need help understanding why my family friends consistently nag at me that 'I don't eat enough' given the fact that I weigh 30 lbs+ more than them. I really dislike the comments and it somehow makes me feel worse about myself. I can't help but feel frustrated and lied to (in a weird way?)
For context: Three family friends and I eat lunch and dinner together almost everyday since we work together and just spend a lot of time together. We're basically all just sisters atp since I spend the holidays with them etc. I am F23 and weigh 140lbs. They are all F in their early 30s who weigh, between 90 lbs and 115 lbs. We do not have a big height difference. I am the tallest at 5'5. They are 5'2-5'4 - so a small difference but one that wouldn't compensate for our weight difference. I know I am overweight for my age and ethnicity.
Further context: We are all East Asian however I was adopted as a baby into a white American family with more traditionally American eating habits. I was taught to finish my plate because (as they say) my parents saw their parents starve in the Great Depression. My family friends were raised in East Asian immigrant households (they are all 1st generation) who have more traditionally Asian eating habits. Their parents taught them to stop the moment they felt full and that skinny feels best. They also make significantly more comments about weight and eating in general and although they don't have full blown EDs they have a restrictive relationship with food. For example, if someone brought in donuts to work one day they would take scissors and cut the tiniest bite. But for me, I was raised that it was polite and good manners to eat the donut since someone went out of their way to bring in some for coworkers.
Final context: During every meal they ALWAYS police me, saying some variation of 'you barely eat!' 'you've been eating nothing these days!' regardless if I have the most food on my plate... I'll try and push back lightly like 'omg wait no I just had three big servings' etc., but they always insist and have to have the last word. It's clear that I eat the most and even when I don't I still weigh the most - so I have just been trying to change the subject when they start insisting that they're right. Additionally, after every meal they comment, "I feel so fat" "I shouldn't have eaten that much" "Omg I hate myself for eating so much" or some variation of that. If I agree and say 'yeah I'm so full' they will continue, 'stoppp, you barely ate anything' etc.
Please help me understand their motivations for making these comments and how I can learn to not be affected by them.