Girlfriend (f25) broke my (M26) trust and doesn’t know I know yet. Want to break up with her but I’m not sure.
Cross posted
As the title states my girlfriend broke my trust and doesn’t know that I know. Now I want to break up with her. But I don’t know if I’m just being anxious or if I’m valid here. Apologies in advance for formatting,word vomit and grammar.
Here’s a bit of background. My girlfriend (F25) and I (M26) have been together for about 5 years. I have pretty bad trust issues from being cheated on in my past relationship. She has been fully aware and supportive of this since we met and had actually helped quite a bit and I thought I could trust her.
Flash back to a few months ago she tells me an old friend from high school reached out by googling her and finding her email address and he wanted to meet up and catch up. I was definitely not super comfortable with that idea not knowing who this dude was, she had never mentioned him before and just the way he reached out is weird to me. So I asked if she’d be okay if they just caught up over a phone call since I wouldn’t feel comfortable with her hanging out with him alone and she said that was totally fine and not a big deal.
She invites him to a get together she was having with a handful of her friends I was working so I didn’t get to go or meet him. She tells me a week or so later that her two friends really took a liking to him and wanted to hangout with him and asked if I’d feel comfortable with that, I said i wouldn’t be the most thrilled about it I’d really like to meet him before you start hanging out with him a lot but I get it and I’d be okay with it. she ends up hanging out with him and her two friends 4-5 times over the past few months. Each time she told me what they had planned and kept me upto date so I’d feel comfortable and whatever and I felt pretty good about it since she was obviously trying to go the extra mile knowing I wasn’t super comfortable but wasn’t trying to let my trust issues impact her. Until like the 3rd or 4th time they were gonna hangout she was being kinda vague about it and kept saying ah we’re just gonna do the usual hangout at my place until the day of she told me that they were actually all gonna go out and go bowling and get food. After some questioning of why she didn’t tell me that sooner if that was her plan she said she thought I might wanna be included but she didn’t want me there and didn’t wanna feel obligated to include me ( big red flag I shouldn’t have ignored! Mind you this is a couple months after this guy had reached out and me saying I’d really like to meet him this whole time so I could kinda sus it out for myself) I was pretty upset by this and we talked about it the next day and she understood that she shouldn’t have done that or whatever and said she wanted to plan something so I could meet him and hopefully feel more comfortable.
We do a big group hangout thing with her friends and him and everything goes well, seems like a nice enough guy. They seemed a little flirty or almost like a little too close for people that haven’t talked in 7 years and just started hanging out again but I chalked that up to my trust issues and tried not to read into it too much.
They hangout with her two friends a few more times each time doing pretty much the same thing and she was doing a great job at trying to make me feel comfortable and secure.
Here’s where she broke my trust and where my concern really lies. Come to find out that her friends never made asked her to hangout with him. She made plans with him to do his makeup and then realized that I wouldn’t be comfortable with them hanging out alone so she invited her friends and told me they asked her to set it up. She told me that their plan was to hangout at her house eat some food, play some video games, watch tv and play a card game. Never once mentioned doing his makeup. Even after they all hung out she called me to say goodnight I asked her how everything went and what they did and she never mentioned it. Then they all hung out the second time and as far as I know it was actually what she said it was and the third time when she was being sketchy about it and said she didn’t want me there come to find out that she did his nails? And that’s probably why she didn’t want me there. Again didn’t tell me about the painting his nails but told me everything else.
So that’s my dilemma. I’m not worried as much about her doing his makeup and nails as much as the fact that she has been lying and misleading me about the things that they’re doing together. Don’t get me wrong I don’t think i would have been thrilled if she was truthful but they lying I can’t really get past.
One of my friends said that doing his makeup is pretty intimate and should be just as concerning as the lying.
Another big issue I have with the lying is from day one in our relationship not only did I stress how important honesty is to me, she has always said honesty is the #1 most important thing to her and she’d rather always hear the truth even if it hurts and always talks about how she’s the most honest person ever and doesn’t lie and can’t lie almost painting a false reality. She has exhibited some narcissistic tendencies in the past but I’m not a psychologist so I can’t make that determination but that would track with the behavior she’s exhibiting.
In the end I know it would be very difficult if not impossible to come back from this but I can’t seem to come to terms with it. Any advice welcome especially since I’ve never broken up with someone I’ve actually loved before and don’t really know how to go about it.
TL;DR : girlfriend of 5 years lied about things she was doing with friends and sketchy guy friend she reconnected with after not talking to for 7 years