u/BackgroundSquare6179

Hey all! I hope its okay to ask for advice here if I' not the one with a TBI. Apologies if not!

A guy I've known for 2 years got a TBI a year ago. We were dating briefly before the accident, but decided to be friends because he was rebuilding his life. Then lost contact and recently reconnected a month ago.

He's been giving me some mixed signals and when I tried to ask for clarity, he says he has strong feelings for me but doesn't want to hurt me. He wants to remain close but not overpromise. He warned me that it feels "instinctual" to be affectionate with me.

I know he's also on dating apps, but made it sound like nothing serious was happening. To me, this feels like a "have my cake and eat it too." His whole text went from "let's be friends, for now" to "I'm inconsistent, I get overwhelmed and drop off, but I like you a lot and it's hard to pretend I don't"

Then, he asked if, knowing all this, I would still be comfortable hanging out. I told him I respect his stance, but I would need time to process my thoughts.

It's been a week and I still don't know how to respond. I've known this man 2 years and care deeply for him, but for him it's only been a year of somewhat consistent contact that he's known me.

Am I just being strung along or is this bigger than me? How do I set boundaries or ask the right questions to get the clarity I need to say said boundaries?

So I'm in therapy because I suck at setting boundaries. It scares me, but I'm trying to do better. This problem seems insignificant compared to what I'm currently discussing with my therapist, so I thought reddit could help me out.

I met a guy almost 2 years ago. Things were good and we were dating for 4 months before he had a life changing medical accident. We drifted apart after that about 6 months later, mostly because, after the emergency, I was always the one initiating as he became extremely depressed over said emergency. While he did try, he ultimately dropped the "I'm a mess and can't give you what you need" line.

Anyway, I ran into him a month ago after NC for 6 months, and we started texting. He asked to hang out and we did. During that hangout he called it a date. He asked to meet again a week later, and once again called it a date.

This confuses me. If something changed, why didn't he reach out sooner? I don't want to be put in that same situation where he's being confusing and inconsistent. Like I said, its lifelong so if things get hard again, will he disappear?

I need him to know that I can't be put in that same situation again where I don't know where I stand. I was going to mention it to him next time we hung out, but he hasn't replied to me in a week, but I did see him active on the apps. I'm aware this could be my anxiety speaking.

I don't know how to voice what I want to say, nor do I know how to perceive his behavior. I'm bad at expressing my needs and I often let things slide that I shouldn't, but I desperately want to be better. How do I approach this?