I (30F) have been with my girlfriend (30F) for 2 years, and we’ve lived together for about the same time. I’m feeling really confused and would like some outside perspective.
At the beginning, I didn’t realize how jealous she was. As the relationship progressed, she started asking for my location constantly and asking me to stop talking to certain people because she believes they like me, I might like them, or they could become a “threat.” I’ll admit that I made the mistake of agreeing to many of these requests to avoid conflict.
After I moved into her place, arguments started becoming more frequent. At first they were about small things, but during those arguments she would get very aggressive verbally. It started with things like “fuck off,” then escalated to “shut the hell up,” and eventually direct insults like “idiot” or worse. I had never been in a relationship where insults were normalized, and it’s been affecting me a lot.
Lately, I’ve noticed that I sometimes respond in the same way she talks to me, which I’m not proud of. There was one situation where she got very angry because I used the bathroom and her towel was there. She said a lot of hurtful things, then ignored me when I tried to talk. I got so frustrated at being ignored that I lightly pushed her just to get her attention. I know that’s not okay, and I don’t want to become that kind of person.
There was also a time during an argument when I told her I didn’t want to keep talking and turned away in bed. She responded by hitting me in the ribs with her hand. It wasn’t extremely hard, but it shocked me and didn’t feel okay.
We also often travel with her family. On our last trip, she got upset because we had to return early due to my work. She started saying hurtful things and complaining that she wanted to stay longer. I told her I’d be okay if she stayed with her family and I went back alone, but she refuses because she thinks I would cheat on her.
Our most recent argument was because I told her I didn’t want to join a 2-day trip with her family since I would be working both days and it would be exhausting. She got extremely angry, called me a “slut,” and told me to leave her house (she does this often when she’s upset, even though she asked me to move in). This time, I stayed calm and didn’t insult her back. I told her it felt unfair that the one time I chose not to go, she reacted this way.
She said it was my fault for “leaving her alone” (even though she was going with her parents). Then later she acted like nothing happened and said she wanted to break up because she’s afraid I’ll leave her first, which doesn’t make sense to me.
At this point, I feel like I want to leave, but it’s been really hard. Sometimes I wonder if I’m overreacting or if this is somehow my fault.
Am I overreacting? Is this normal conflict or something more serious?
TL;DR: My girlfriend is very jealous, controls who I talk to, insults me during arguments, has hit me once, and often kicks me out of her house when she’s angry. I’ve started reacting badly too and feel like I’m losing myself. I want to leave but I’m struggling and wondering if I’m overreacting.