after starting uni last september i feel like ive been on a large mental decline. i rarely have motivation to do my coursework or revise for finals in june, i feel like im getting dumber, i never go out with anyone and i dont really have any friends (there are people i talk to on occasion but nobody who im close with in any regard). granted i have my girlfriend of 9 months who is the most amazing person, and she helps me massively with self esteem and taking care of myself, but alot of the time i feel like a burden (she is so supportive and insists im not and i dont want to seem ungrateful but its hard to see myself as not being one).
i dont take drugs (i quit weed more than 4 months ago and its helped) and rarely drink alcohol but i waste time playing videogames or sleeping or doing nothing at all despite knowing that i have so much to do. ive always struggled with getting myself to do work, i didnt have to during gcses and did very well (couldve done better), and i didnt during a levels and i did fine (i SHOULD have done better). i dont enjoy alot of things anymore, aside from spending time with my girlfriend.
i have a history of self harm and self destructive behavior, my arms are covered in scars and its only been about 1.5 weeks since the last time i cut myself. during the year i used gambling as an escape to distract myself from how i was feeling, and while it was moderate at first, in the last couple of months i lost several thousand pounds (from my student loan and savings) and have installed gamban on my laptop and phone and have stopped for good, but financial stress is very very prevalent now. i've applied for multiple jobs and hoping i get one soon so that i can afford rent over the summer.
i feel slightly more optimistic about the future and ive got lots of plans with my girlfriend, but im just tired all of the time and i find it so very difficult to do anything. it is difficult to go outside which isnt helped by my social anxiety that makes it difficult to go into the kitchen in my dorm because of worry that other people will be there. i dont feel good about my self most of the time.
in november i had several appointments with a mental health nurse to try and figure out how i was feeling, but she didnt help and i didnt like how condescending she was to me. im not suicidal but i dont have very many feelings and im always tired. im not sure what im supposed to do.
sorry this is a bit of a rant i just wanted to share my situation, thanks for reading