Considering stopping T
I’m really struggling with thoughts of detransition 10 months on T.
I can’t tell if I like the changes that have happened or not. I don’t have the feeling of calm or quiet in my mind that people describe after starting HRT. I feel angry and I don’t like my increased libido.
I have experienced a lot of trauma when I lived as a woman that means that I struggle with the thought of passing as a man. It makes it feel like these traumas become invisible as I take on the privilege that being a man holds and I’m uncomfortable with it. I was also in a very horrible toxic relationship when I came out and it got me out of that- so I’m wondering if I desperately wanted a change of circumstances that transitioning would bring me?
It feels so complicated. Sometimes I feel happy when I see stubble growing on my face and other times I feel very confused and scared.
When I see old photos of myself, I feel like I miss her.
I don’t feel any dysphoria alleviating, if anything it seems to just get worse?
I just don’t know what to do or what I want anymore. I was so sad before and I’m so sad now :(