Okay reddit…… I need help. This is going to be kinda long but here it is.
I (m32) have children (9f,7m,twin boys 5, and a three year old f) with my ex (f31), my ex and I were together close to 11 years and we ended with no drama. I would honestly love to be her friend but my significant other (m40) will not allow this. Anything and everything to do with my ex is a “boundary”. Kid games/ events - either or. Milestones, either or. It is always a fight. He says that anything to do with ex (let’s call her Blair) is a boundary. (For context: This is my first LGBTQ relationship and probably my last honestly) but regardless back to the story so my graduation is coming up (in about a month). I have gently brought this up to current (let’s call him max) and he flips out every time. It is always an issue. Anytime there is anything to do with Blair, max loses his mind. I love max, we have been together for 2 years however, his temperament is outrageous. I honestly have became a very anxious person when it comes to these fights. He is not abusive, but after I literally just break every time. I end up apologizing and he gets his way.
I do not want graduation to be this way. Blair and I have split custody. There is no “custodial parent”. However, the kids live with me and max. This weekend is Blair’s weekend with the kids. I want my children there but I do not want to take time away from their mother. Max has said that he will take control of the situation and that Blair can drop off at my college to him and then she can pick them up after. However, he does not have a very good relationship with the kids and they do not respect him (they have seen us fight a few times, but they mostly see how it bothers me after.) so I am already uncomfortable with this. I also do not care for it because max and I moved away. Where I am graduating from is literally 5 hours away from the place we lived and where Blair still lives.
Blair has also helped when it has came to school. She will pick up the kids and keep them longer when I need studying and things like that.
Blair and I are really good coparents and Max hates this. Max doesn’t want Blair in the picture.
I do not mind at all if Blair comes, only max does. Max does not want me talking to Blair at all. Max wants all communication to go through him. This is hard.
Help.
Advice.
Thoughts?
TL;DR : I want my kids at graduation without my boyfriend controlling everything and making it about his peace over my accomplishments.