Stealing my boyfriend away
Hey everyone. I'm not doing so well. I feel like such an idiot I just wanted to love and to build a big family. I'm living in a nightmare. I'm a 23 year old gay guy. I met my boyfriend (23) 3 years and 8 months ago. A year and half into our relationship he came out as straight to me but we still wanted to be with each other. I suggested dating a third female and he agreed.
Fast forward to 50 days ago, he met a girl (20) on a dating site and began dating her. He prefaced everything with that it wouldn't be just him and her, but be also in the relationship. She said she was willing to date both of us. I spent the next 40 days calling her everyday, getting to know her, her saying she would have my child, that she would be willing to experiment with the both of us sexually, and saying that we have feelings for each other.
About the 15th day in to me getting to know her, she told my boyfriend that she wanted to continue with only him. I withdrew from talking to her and our group chat because I had nothing nice to say to her, but after he talked with her, she said that she miscommunicated and that she was worried she wouldn't be able to be with two people. The following days she affirmed that these were no longer worries, and said that she really trusted me and that she thought we would have a girl. My boyfriend also said that he would leave her for me if she came in between us. (I communicated that I would like to have a child with her, which was one thing my boyfriend and I discussed before hand, that he would get the first one and I the second to which she said she was happy doing).
They were not sexually intimate out of respect for me because that was supposed to develop as a group per what we all discussed. I discovered that they were sexting behind my back and confronted my boyfriend. He told me he was miserable not being able to sexually pursue her and that was the last thing I wanted. After talking to them both and affirming that group intimacy was going to be the norm and that she was in fact willing to have my child, I gave the ok for them to be sexually intimate.
I am currently finishing up my last semester in college. I found a job to make some money on the side, and they loved me so much that they offered me a salaried position, making more than I anything I could get with my degree starting out. I was supposed to move in with my boyfriend mid July. So I called them both and told him that I am giving up this insane job to move 3 hours away in with him and that I needed to know he was committed to doing this. I also wanted her to know what I was sacrificing. He had no hesitation in telling me that he was committed to this. I quit the job to finish school and because I had the security of knowing that we are moving in together, and I would be looking for a job hours away.
Fast forward to this past weekend... I finally got to meet her. It was me, my boyfriend, and his girlfriend (my supposed to be future girlfriend). We spent the day together, it was nice. They did sexual acts in front of me which is something we also discussed, because I was never comfortable with him having sexual intimacy with her, and I also got to be intimate with my boyfriend. I told her exactly how I felt about her: how although I don't have inherit sexual attraction towards her, I felt like how I felt when I was in the third grade and didn't know what sex was and had crushes on girls. I wanted to provide for her and be there for her. She said she had feelings for me too.
My boyfriend and I went back to his place afterwards and I texted her goodnight, that I couldn't wait to see her again, and hearts. The next morning at 7 am, while my boyfriend and I were cuddling, she texted me how she couldn't wait to see me too and that she had so much fun. We were still cuddling till about 9 am, and I was looking at my boyfriends phone with him. We saw that she began to text him. She said: "Hey can I be honest?" My bf replied: "Yes, of course." She said: "When I saw you kiss your boyfriend yesterday it broke my heart."
Anyways, I think my boyfriend is going to let her homewreck us. I now see how manipulative and bad of a person she is. I just am living with the image of the man I want to spend my life with, who I love and care for most in this world, going off to leave me for some monster. That caused us both to crash out. I went pretty manic and begged and pleaded. And he didn't outright say that he was leaving me for her, but from what he was saying and the writing on the wall, it really seems that way.
He drove me home and we had a long talk where I said: I know you have feelings for her, but she is not the one. She is evil, coniving and manipulative. He is honeymooning over her and is infatuated. I feel so gross. I just want my boyfriend. I spent the car ride saying that I am done begging and pleading, that I am going to give him space to decide what he really wants: if he is willing to throw away our almost 4 years together, all of my sacrifices I made to move in with him, and our connection for a girl he barely knows who would do this to his best friend and partner. I said that no matter what happens between us, even if we break up, that she is not the one for him. I would be sad if he left me to be alone, but I don't know what I would do if he left me for someone so evil, who would play and manipulate, treating me like a prop, like a toy. I told him I will respect whatever decision he makes and that I will give him space, not because I am giving up on us, but because I want him to have that time. We left it at he's going to take time alone, at least a week, and get back to me to see what he's going to do.
This is really hard. I have my semester thesis due wednesday and I have endless hours of work to do to finish it, but this is just causing me to ruminate and I don't want them to take my degree from me too, but I'm just so scared and distraught and I already deal with procrastination and task paralysis, I don't know how I can focus. I just want to scream and run away from it all. What's even the point if I can't have the family with him that has been my motivation for the longest. I love him so much. I want him to be happy, and I pray that he will come to his senses, acknowledge his commitments, our love, how manipulative and psycho she is, and our sacrifices. How can I finish this paper, I really want to, I want to graduate so bad, but I am so debilitated.