How to fix something that's beyond broken
I M38 with 37 F rattlesnake of a woman of 10 years hates me. Tonight there was a blow out argument. 17 days ago we had a huge blowout. It's just getting worse and worse. We are both extremely stubborn. I know I'm not perfect. I want to make things better. We haven't been romantically involved for years. Our emotional relationship is non existent at this point.
I'm a self coined dry addict. I routinely get into projects around the house with the motivation only a crackhead would know. I am clean but there's nothing I can't turn into an addiction. I go hard as I've been told. I can spend hours in the garage making things or whatever. I posted to a different sub the last time we had an argument because I have no one to talk to like a reasonable person about our problems. I blankly asked reddit. It was removed due to me mentioning I was an addict and how it was relating to my relationship issue.
However, I'm looking for advice on how to make this better. How do I navigate change and what do I need to do to keep the peace. As I found out, my partner is for a better lack of word jealous that I occupy my time. It's been this way forever. I'll get into fitness. Get in trouble. Play video games. Get bitched at. Repair the house. Not spending enough time with the family. The only thing I don't get in trouble for is working, which I do plenty of as well.
I'm absolutely miserable with my life. I have no friends, no support, and my family are a bunch of cunts that I don't really speak with. The only people in my life are in this home and I'm not really welcome in it anymore. The only reason I'm alive at this point is because I have a 5.75 yr old daughter who I adore.
I recently got into my house plants again as a hobby. Repotting and propagating. I have a bunch probably 30 or so. I stupidly went along with adopting two kittens in the fall. They are lovely, but they are barn cats and enjoy eating plants. So my thought was just keep all my small plants on the enclosed porch. This has been a spot of contention. To me the plants are just as valuable as a living thing as the cats are as pets to the rest of the family.
I set up a grow area in my office a few nights ago (adding another restricted zone for the cats to the house) my plan is to move everything from the porch to the office. The way my brain works -- it's more of an experiment more than just an automatic concrete plan. Some poor choice of words were said and I got chewed a brand new double wide asshole. Eventually, I got angry and yelled about making the move. Doing what she wanted. Still not good enough.
There's just so many things. I've basically stopped talking to this woman because I fear of starting an argument. Nothing I talk about is interesting to her. The only time I'm not getting in trouble is if I'm staring at a wall. I get tired of doing that. Lately, with my own deteriorating mental health I just automatically start doing things. Me stopping talking only makes it worse. While we stopped being a couple a long time ago, we still make a good team. I don't want to leave the house. That's the first thing she thinks of. I get told I'm a psychopath, I gaslight her, and I'm a narcissist.
In her mind that's going to solve her own issues and in reality it's not. We make around 90k a year combined and I can tell you our quality of life would be mashed to hell if we split. I wouldn't be able to take my daughter at all because I would be on the street for a time. It would absolutely kill me. I had a terrible childhood and I don't want that for her. She talks about needing a break. Yet I'm 100 percent a dude that cleans up and makes dinner does absolutely ever chore there is. It would be all on her. That's not going to help her.
My question is what the fuck do I do to solve this? I could go on forever.
I'm sorry for asking this and I hope it makes sense. This woman is miserable and I can't fix it. I blame myself because I don't have the emotional depth to understand. I hear her I really do. I just want some acceptance and support. Our lives could be so easy. We have it so good. I just don't know how long I can make it being told everything that makes me. Me is wrong.
TLDR: my relationship is coming to an end. What to I do to fix a woman who is miserable and likely blames me?