My bf and I are 25 and 23 respectively and we’ve been together for 18 months and lately I have been feeling bad mentally. Like I have a constant sad or hollow feeling, my hobbies aren’t really fun anymore and take too much energy. My sleep and appetite have decreased as well and the most important part is that my libido has gone down sharply. I suspect it’s depression but I don’t have a diagnosis yet, but I’m seeing a professional.
The thought of sex just doesn’t interest me currently, I still find him attractive of course but it’s like my hobbies, the thought of it sounds exhausting. I’m still able to do it sometimes, though it’s harder to cum. This has been bothering him a lot and he knows about my symptoms but just doesn’t seem to understand and he thinks it’s personal when it’s not! I want to do it! I just can’t 🙁.
He asks constantly at night and I used to keep saying no, I will initiate when I’m ready. This culminated into him just reaching for it and I didn’t want him too and was saying no and pushing his hand away but he kept reaching for it. I finally got sick of it and slapped his hand, pushed it away and yelled at him to stop.
He immediately got upset and went to bed without saying anything. I told him that he needs to respect my boundaries and he tried to overcorrect and say, “fine I’ll never touch you again” and, “You’re my boyfriend, there shouldn’t be boundaries”. That hurt to hear 🙁, he’s never said anything like that. Did I go too far? In my mind I felt guilty but as I type this out, I’m starting to think that I was justified but I need to see what other people think.
He’s always been against jerking off to porn (he views it as cheating) but then I caught him the other day watching it. I never viewed it as cheating so I didn’t mind him doing but since he denounces it so much, it was shocking at first and I’m seeing how it affects him. I said that it’s weird that views it as cheating but did it anyway but since I can’t give it to him it’s ok. But still, this gives me a funny feeling. The justification he gave was that he “had no choice” because I wasn’t giving it to him. To me that already sounds halfway to actual cheating in the future, it’s the justification that many cheaters use. BUT, I trust him. Faithfulness is something that neither of us have to worry about each other.
Edit: sorry I don’t write that clearly. But there are a few things that I should’ve brought up.
He specifically wants me to top him. I was able to jerk him off and suck him a couple times but even those were hard for me to do.
Additionally, I don’t care if he watches porn or not. In fact, I encouraged it since I’m unable to fulfill his needs right now.