I (F) have been married for five months, but due to our long-distance circumstances, my husband—who was previously divorced—and I only began living together last week. During our time apart, our connection over the phone was perfect. While he is a kind man and an excellent provider, there is a significant disconnect regarding physical affection. He never initiates hugs, kisses, or any form of touch; if I don’t specifically ask for it, it simply doesn’t happen.
I have realized that he has almost no drive to initiate affection, even simple gestures like hand-holding or cuddling. I’ve become the sole initiator, which makes me feel as though our roles have been reversed. When we are intimate, it is truly wonderful and we both seem to enjoy it, but I am deeply bothered by the fact that he never starts it.
I discussed this with him and respectfully addressed my need to feel loved and desired through physical touch. His perspective is that providing for me and his daily actions are his ways of showing love. He suggested that my expectations are skewed by movies and that he simply "forgets" to be affectionate because he is so used to living alone. He asked me to keep reminding him; however, even though he tries when prompted, the affection feels forced and insincere.
He argues that I am asking for too much. I’ve told him I cannot continue in a marriage that lacks emotional and physical intimacy, and now I’m wondering: am I overreacting? Are my expectations truly too high for a "real-life" marriage? Also, is it common for a second marriage to feel this stagnant, or is it normal for the "spark" to be missing?