u/Awwndrei

I am NOT Original OP — OOP is u/guava_jam posting in r/relationship_advice, r/love, and r/Marriage

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[Original | May 31st, 2020] Should I (29f) go out of my comfort zone to practice writing love letters for my boyfriend (29m)?

Hi everyone! So my boyfriend loves pretty, romantic words. I on the other hand, after being fooled in the past by guys who knew how to get girls by saying the right things, hate gushy lovey dovey words. To me, words that come from the heart matter more than how the words sound. Actions are louder than words and my boyfriend shows me everyday that he loves me through his actions and vice versa. However, I feel like he’d be really happy if I was super lovey dovey to him once in a while. I guess it comes down to trying to speak one of his love languages when it does not come naturally to me. Where is the line between speaking your partner’s love language and going too far?

For example, my sister got married last year and my sister and her now husband wrote their own vows. My boyfriend almost cried during my sister’s vows and thought her husband could have done way better. I liked her husband’s vows because I knew that while they were not the most eloquent, he did write them himself and he meant it. My sister confided in me before the ceremony that she just googled “wedding vows” and copy and pasted what sounded nice. I did judge her because how can you say you were going to write your own vows and then copy and paste someone else’s?? I asked her if she meant it at least and she said, “Sure?” So, to me, while I know that she loves her husband, I did not take her vows seriously and was annoyed that my boyfriend almost cried at her googled copy and pasted BS.

And because I was annoyed I told him, “you know that no one actually writes like that, my sister got those vows from google! What matters is that the words come from the heart!” Now, my boyfriend honest to god looked like I had stabbed him in his metaphorical heart and got genuinely upset that she didn’t write her vows. He felt betrayed that the words did not come from her and that he was touched so deeply by something fake, even if she probably did mean what those words said.

Now the other night, he misheard me and was really happy when he thought I said something gushy and romantic when what I actually said was very practical and not romantic at all. He was sad when I burst his bubble and told him he heard incorrectly. I realized that he really is a romantic at heart and probably needs to hear those pretty words once in a while.

I want to write him a love letter because it will make him happy but I know that he likes all that gushy stuff that I hate. I realized that me writing him a gushy letter would be like a guy who hates flowers getting his girlfriend a bouquet of her favorite flowers- I DO think guys who hate flowers should get their girlfriends the flowers they love because they love them.

BUT I want it to be real. So the question is, would it be fake of me to practice writing gushy love letters to the point that it is real? Because as of how I write now, he won’t be touched by what I write him lol. I know that it’ll sound like my brother in law’s vows which he hated. It’ll be like practicing how to write essays but... romantic.

Relevant & Top Comments

Commenter 1: Sooo I was the one in need of the romantic words and my husband stepped up. Idk how he really did it, but he’s very logical so I suspect it included googling and a book I later discovered in his work bag called, “how to write love letters”.

Basically it didn’t really matter what he wrote, it was all about the gesture. Knowing it was out of his comfort zone but he tried anyway cause it would make me happy. And it worked, I still have all the letters in drawers and other places so I can read them when I come across them

If the person you write for is in your heart it will show on paper, and the receiver will notice. It also may be neat to do the practice ones and then give him those

My suggestion is Yes you should. Good luck

>OOP: Thank you! yeah I’m going to try.

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[Update 1 | January 30th, 2024 | ~4 Years Later] When someone just… loves you. It’s still so weird to me 8 years later

Before I(32F) met my husband(33M) 8 years ago, I was made to feel like I was too clingy, too emotional, too sensitive, etc. I was never enough for the men I loved, and I always wanted too much from them. Until I met my husband.

From the start he just… loved me. I was a mess back then and I tested him a lot, but he always passed with flying colors. When I asked him if he knew he was being tested he said yes, but that he understood because of everything I had been through. We’d spend hours over the weekends in bed just snuggling until I was overstimulated which was never a thing because no one ever wanted to do that with me. 8 years later it’s still the same, we can spend all day happily hanging out in bed and just getting up for food and to pee, which is our plan for this Sunday.

Sometimes my insecurities from the past creep up and last night I asked him, “Aren’t I too much sometimes?” He responded, “No. What do you mean?” And I reminded him that even I know I can still be way intense, energetic, and physically and emotionally needy sometimes and he said, “Well that’s you and I just love you. I don’t have to think about it harder than that.”

This morning while he was working I sent him a joke video about getting me baby Highlander cows for Valentine’s Day. Within 15 minutes he sent me info about a farm an hour away that offers private tours to feed and snuggle baby cows. I never knew this was a thing and we’ve set a date to go.

I love this man so much, and I still find it so weird that he just loves me and I don’t have to play games or pretend to be anyone else. I do try to hold myself back when I know he needs time alone as we are both pretty introverted, but if ever I feel disconnected from him I just say so and he will open his arms without hesitation so I can jump in. The only time I can’t do that is when he is in a meeting lol. I don’t know how I got this lucky.

Edit: thanks for the love everyone 💕

Relevant & Top Comments

Commenter 1: Omg you found a keeper! I hope any person who feels like they aren’t good enough for their partner or feeling guilty for asking for the basic things emotionally read this. The right person will make you feel that you are enough.

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[Update 2 | February 14th, 2024 | ~4 Years Later] I wrote my husband a sweet Valentine’s Day card and he cried when he read it

Basically told him how happy and grateful I was that he was in my life. I tell and show him I love him all the time but I don’t usually write love letters.

He said, “It’s one thing to know it, but another to be reminded”. He’s so cute and I love him so much 💕

Relevant & Top Comments

Commenter 1: Please know this about men…. It feels so rare in dating, relationships and life to hear things like this and to really have it standing in front of you. I know I’ve told every girl I’ve dated how much it means to me after they tell me things like this. We know that we are loved and appreciated most of the time. But hearing it means so much to us. It’s rare we hear it in our lives and this kind of thing goes a long way 😄 I’m so happy for you both and that you had this sweet moment

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[Update 3 | January 5th, 2025 | ~5 Years Later] Got my husband sick with a bad cold and now we’re both snotty and coughing and miserable

And this fucking guy, between napping with me on the couch the past 2 days,

1. Did all the laundry
2. Washed our bedsheets
3. Got my package down the street in 20 degree weather
4. Took care of our cat (cat is also currently sick with bladder stones)
5. Picked up our groceries
6. Made sure the humidifier was always good
7. Secured our patio furniture from the wind

All I did was make us both some chicken soup the other day and I’m going to make us some more but otherwise I’ve just been rotting on the couch. I didn’t realize he did all this until after nor did I ask him to do any of it. This guy is such an angel and I love him so much 🥹

Relevant & Top Comments

Commenter 1: Give him a snaughty reward! 😉

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[Update 4 | December 23rd, 2025 | 5.5 Years Later] My husband wakes up every day and just…. Loves me

When we met I had pretty deep anxious attachment issues. I was needy, nervous, self sabotaging, etc. And then he came along and just loved me until it all went away. Whenever I call, he answers. Whenever I need him, he’s there. If ever I want a snuggle he’s always down, sometimes hours and sometimes the whole day. Whenever I ask him if I am needy, too much, or not enough, his answer has always been without fail no, no, and no.

If ever I feel disconnected from him I just have to say so and he opens his arms and lets me jump in. He holds me and talks with me about our day and our feelings until I feel connected again. He has never directed his anger towards me, never yelled, never lashed out, never said or done things to hurt me. Any time we have any kind of issue we will talk about it and figure it out. If we can’t figure it out we take it to the therapist. Nothing bad simmers, no resentment ever builds.

It’s been 10 years and the part of me that has always been waiting for the other shoe to drop is getting smaller and smaller. Each day he loves me with a love so deep and unshakable and I still marvel at its existence. Of course I love him but for someone to love me so perfectly and gently? I guess I never thought it was possible.

Relevant & Top Comments

Commenter 1: I love this for you OP, I always maintain that love is not a feeling, yes feelings are important but just like motivation, it's fleeting, true love is a choice, and that is a man that actively chooses to love you. EVERY. SINGLE. DAY.

>OOP: Thank you! Yes every day is a choice and I choose him!

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[Update 5 | February 15th, 2026 | ~6 Years Later] How do you keep your marriage happy and healthy once kids come along?

For those of you who have kids, what specific things did you do to keep your marriage solid when your first child was born? For those whose marriage suffered, what do you wish you did?

I’m still in my first trimester so anything can happen, but we want to be as prepared as possible. We both have great therapists and close family and friends to lean on.

Relevant & Top Comments

Commenter 1: Strict bedtimes for kid. Allowed us to have couple time including making sure we still talked an hour a day.

We often fed kid first and ate dinner after he went to bed so we could have a quiet dinner and talk.

We had babysitters lined up so we could go on date nights. We would have weekly date nights at home after kid went to bed. We would use a babysitter and go out 1-2 times a month.

We had family come visit to watch kid so we could have at least one weekend away every year. Every few years, we would go away for a week.

No co-sleeping so we could keep the martial bed for sleeping and sex.

Kid’s weekend nap time was sex and nap time for us. And we found morning sex was way more likely to happen than night time sex when we were just exhausted.

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THIS IS A REPOST SUB—I AM NOT OOP. DO NOT COMMENT ON THEIR POSTS

I am NOT Original OP — OOP is u/Interesting-Hurry741 posting in r/sad

Potential trigger warnings: >!depression, suicidal thoughts!<

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[Original | June 5th, 2022] people of reddit. I need help

ill be honest, its 12:30 am rn, I have a 13 hour shift tomorrow and should be asleep but tonight was the night i finally snapped and have no clue what to do or how yo go about this. Im a 21 y o(M). everything seems like its going good from anyone else’s point of view: im marrying the girl of my dreams next year, im s home owner (its a fixer upper but its home) I have a car im building to be a show car. Im going paycheck to paycheck right now which isnt a problem im content. Or Atleast i thought i was.

I have too much emotional trauma that ive built up due to never having anyone or any way to express my feelings. My escape was video games and cars but now they dont seem to affect me at all. It seems more like a chore to me to keep me going than to actually have fun with it. I texted my best friends and thanked them and told them how grateful i am to have them bc they e truly helped me out more than they know.

The truth is, a minimum of once a week ive had vivid imagery of unaliving myself. To the point I genuinely sit and think “am I really going to do it this time?” The only thing thats holding me back is the fact ive impacted alot of lives in my city and i have alot of people looking up to me as some type of role model. Even though i dont necessarily get it. Those people, my best friends, and my family are the only things keeping me here because i dont want to cause them any more harm than what’s already going on. My dad just had a divorce with my step mom of 13 years, bc she had a midlife crisis and cheated on him. I genuinely think hes also had suicidal thoughts and he comes to me to vent to help him.

do you have any idea how crushed hed be if he heard i painted my walls with the pistol he bought me for house protection? These are the thoughts that are running through my head right now. And im laying here next to my sleeping fiance crying typing all of this but it feels good to let it out. My mental state is failing, i feel as if id feel better if i wasnt on this earth anymore and itd make everyone around me have an easier life. Im struggling to keep my composure and i have no clue how much longer i can keep up the act that im totally okay and im the always smiling dude who helps everyone in sight act up. But honestly inside i dont feel much of anything.

I feel empty and that im a failure. At this point im rambling because typing is the only thing saving me right now. Thank you for reading this and listening to me vent my feelings. Even though i dont know who you all are you have also helped me get through one more night, or Atleast i hope i dont break later on. Thank you.

Relevant & Top Comments

Commenter 1: I don’t want to say “the wrong thing” but I hope you know you’re so loved. You have people in your life who are happy you exist in their life, like your dad and your fiancé and all those people who see you as role models but don’t exist for them… exist for you. Find your passion, find things that make you happy again and not things that distract you from sadness. Even if it’s little ass shit like buying yourself flowers or taking a break and going to the park. (And yes, as a grown man it’s acceptable to buy yourself flowers too). Idk what it is that you find little joys in, but I hope you find it. 💕 And if you still can’t, I think talking to a mental health professional (if it’s financially an option) can help you to let it out to someone who is trained to help you.

>OOP: ill be honest I genuinely didnt think anyone would care enough to read this, and I really needed this. Thank you so much you have no clue how much this did for me. Im genuinely not okay, and its really hard to find the motivation to find the things that make me happy because everything seems like its grey. Everything makes me feel the same and its because i have absolutely no clue how to pull myself out of this. Ive been alone for most of my life, my family isnt close, the closest to anyone ive ever gotten is my fiancé but i mostly never talk about how i feel to ANYONE. This post was a long stretch out of my comfort zone. But ill be honest if I didnt post this I probably wouldnt be here tonight. > >>Commenter 1: But maybe you need to do more things out of your comfort zone… change your perspective and do something different to feel something different. I’m glad I could help even just a little.

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[Update | April 21st, 2026 | 4 Years Later | r/wholesome ] My 2 year old did something amazing

I have the best daughter I could ever ask for.

I was about to get her in the car and go do some errands after work and while i was doing that i noticed a kid next to my house as we live next to a school standing against a wall with his bike, he looked out of breath and i asked if he was okay or needed a water or something, he responded with “no thank you im okay” so i continued to get her situated and buckled in the car and she goes “look daddy, hes crying” and i look over and just like she said, he was balling his eyes out.

I was gonna let it go, like it was none of my business because who am i to get involved in someone else’s business. Side note, im driving my grandmothers car right now and she has (Editor's note: rubber) ducks in here from my little sister giving them out to jeeps and she loves to play with them. She gets SO excited every time she gets into the car to play with her ducks.

Well, she looked at the kid again, and says “i think hes crying because he wants a duck too.” And it stunned me for a second and i sat and thought about it for a second, then i told her to pick one out for him, obviously she picked the girliest one because she loves pink😂. But i walk over to him and say “look i know im a stranger and its none of my business for you to tell me whats going on, but whatever it is it gets better. Whatever is going on it will pass, my daughter saw you crying, snd she really wanted to give this to you.” I handed him the duck, he cried a little more but said “thank you, ill always remember this kindness” and then i got in and now were getting ice cream because im so so incredibly proud of her.

Shes 2 years old and shows more kindness than most adults, 2 years old and shows so much compassion for other people. I couldnt be a prouder parent. Kindness like that doesnt happen often nowadays, and i really hope that sfter reading this some of you all will think next time you see someone down and say “i think theyd want a duck too”( i know that was corny but really think about it. Help a neighbor, a stranger, parent, sibling, anyone you can next time you see someone in need. I dont know what that kids going through, but he took a minute, smiled, and then pushed his bike where he needed to go. Thank yall for reading this, and i hope that this reached the right people who needed to see a little hope in the world we live in today. :’)

Edit: to preface, i live directly next to an elementary school, but im about a 3 min walk from a high school as well! The kid crying was a highschooler

Relevant & Top Comments

Commenter 1: Kids are odd ducks. One minute they are sweet and kind. The next they are total animals.

I'm glad she had a kind moment and you followed her lead.

>OOP: 99% of the time shes like this, if she sees a cut on my hand she walks me to go get a bandaid and “kiss it better” gives toys to kids at the park to share with, its literally wild to me that a 2 year old thought like this > >>Commenter 2: The best part is that you followed her lead and reinforced her kindness.  Good job! >> >>It's so much fun watching them figure things out when they're little. >> >>Less kind, but you've reminded me, I once watched my daughter (a toddler, at the time) take a toy away from another child. The little boy began to cry, so she handed the toy back. He stopped crying. She stared at him for a moment, and then took the toy away again. He cried, and she gave it back. He stopped crying. She was reaching for the toy a third time, when I intervened. >> >>My very scientifically-minded daughter is now an adult, working on a PhD in Chemistry. 😆  >> >>>OOP: I love that for you😂 that’s curiosity at its finest right there

Commenter 3: Your kid is amazing! Remember though she had to learn it from someone.

>OOP: Thank you so much🥰 learned it from her mama though shes the better half

Commenter 4: People seem surprised you followed your kids lead. Of course you did. Adults who ignore problems raise kids who ignore problems. Good adults raise good kids. She learned it from you. You're a good parent.

>OOP: No need to make a grown man cry this morning😂😭 thank you so much I don’t know what to feel like the best parent because of my work I’m never around but when I am, I do everything in my power to show her that she matters

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THIS IS A REPOST SUB—I AM NOT OOP. DO NOT COMMENT ON THEIR POSTS

I am NOT Original OP — OOP is u/invisibuni posting in r/Parenting and r/wholesome

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[Original | February 1st, 2025] How can I help my daughter (9) adjust to moving?

We are moving to my boyfriend’s family home while his mom lives with his grandmother. The original plan was to wait until she finished elementary school then move for middle school but when it was time to renew the lease they increased by $100. I was already struggling with what we were paying now so we decided to leave.

My daughter has known for a while that we are moving and why. She has gone from excitement to absolute dread. Tonight she broke down hard in tears about being scared to move. I just let her cry and get it all off her chest while holding her. I want to tell her everything will be alright and her worst fears won’t come true but I can’t deny that change is hard and super scary and sometimes our fears do happen.

I reminded her that we aren’t moving super far away, maybe 25-30 minutes, from her friends. We can still see them on the weekends and then she can have a sleepover in the new place once we get settled.

Is there anything else I can do? I hate that we have to move but we can’t stay here forever and personally I’m looking forward to moving. It’s gonna change a lot of things for us.

Editor's note: OOP's boyfriend is her daughter's legal father (ex is not in the picture). Also this post did not get much attention so there was no advice sadly :(

Editor's note 2: OOP moved to their new house around a month later according to this un-related post in r/CatAdvice

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[Update | April 21st, 2026 | 1 Year Later] Friends helping friends

My daughter (10) came home one day upset. She said that one of her school friends had a birthday over the weekend and her parents forgot. When they remembered, they got her a small gift from the dollar store. My daughter then went on to tell me about how the girls home life wasn't good and her parents act like teenagers and are constantly fighting. 

She wanted to do something for her friend so she begged me to help her get a gift and she was going to make her some bracelets (daughter loves to make kandi bracelets and accessories). I couldn't say no after hearing about her home life so we went to gamestop and got her a little keychain plushie of some anime thing that my daughter said she'd like. 

Then we went and got a gift bag and a card and my daughter put it all together when we got home. She brought it school then next day and said her friend was very happy and grateful. 

Feels good to see my kid show some compassion. She said a lot of her classmates have hard home lives and this friend wasn't the worst of them and appreciates her home life a lot more when compared to them. 

Relevant & Top Comments

Commenter 1: Good kids come from good parents. Give yourself a pat on the back too. Well done.

Commenter 2: You’re raising her right 🤍

>OOP: Thank you!

Commenter 3: Well done both of you, that was a lovely gesture by your daughter and by you for supporting her.

I remember when my stepson was about 9, we were at a school fete (party) or something, and a girl started heading towards him. We knew previously that her home life wasn't great and some of the other kids found her annoying. My lad was quite popular. He turned to me and his mum and groaned that she always talks to him but as she bounced up to us he just turned and matched her enthusiasm, was kind, genuinely inquisitive and they had a lovely chat. After a bit she went off skipping and smiling. I gave him a pat and said "you did good there, good lad".

I'd not long known him and that was just one of many signs that I knew he had a good soul. Once we couldn't understand why he was eating so much at school (spending-wise) and it turned out he was buying extra stuff for a friend who often had no lunch or money 🥹

He's 20 now and still the same, I couldn't be prouder of the person he is and I tell him every opportunity I get.

Naturally he just thinks I'm a soppy sod 😂

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THIS IS A REPOST SUB—I AM NOT OOP. DO NOT COMMENT ON THEIR POSTS

I am NOT Original OP — OOP is u/motherofpete posting in r/Mommit

Editor's note: SAHM means stay-at-home mom

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[Original | January 30th, 2025] Seriously considering quitting my six figure corporate job to be SAHM - seeking opinions

I am a FTM (Editor's note: first-time mother) of a 9 month old boy. For a long time I struggled with the decision of whether or not to have children; at the top of my mind was that I derive a lot of my self worth from my career. Looking back, I think what I was truly trying to grapple with was subconsciously knowing that having children would completely shift my priorities and worldview and I would inevitably be faced with the dilemma of choosing between my children and my career, and knowing in my bones that my children would come first. Before I get into my situation - I know that there are TONS of moms out there that can do it all and that it’s absolutely possible to be an amazing successful working mother. I think what I am coming to terms with is that the mother I am while I am working is not the type of mother that I want to be.

Some background - I come from a lower middle class family. My dad was self-employed while I was growing up and my mom stayed home to take care of my siblings and I. There were a lot of material things we did not have, but we never went without anything we needed and had abundant love. We were on government assistance for a bit, but I didn’t know that until I became an adult. I started working when I was 15 and since then I have always been able to buy what I want, when I want. I worked really hard in school and got a full scholarship to college. I moved out at 18 and worked while in school and had a ton of amazing opportunities in college. After I graduated I started my career in the finance/accounting world, and I have been at a company for the past 8 years where I now make 6 figures in a flexible WFH job where I am very comfortable and love my coworkers and the company I work for. I would say I derive the most satisfaction out of being good at my job and making good money, and not really the actual work that I do. I’m not passionate about accounting and when I try to envision my career 5-10 years down the line, I couldn’t really tell you what my aspirations are because I’m not particularly excited about what I do. I do, however, love that I never have to worry about strict budgeting and not being able to afford things I want to buy (nothing crazy, just like if I want to go out to eat with friends or buy a luxury skincare product or something I know I don’t have to worry about not having the money for it). I also look at my parents financial situation and they were not able to save for retirement, so that is really a source of stress for everyone and I’m fearful of ending up in that situation one day.

I have been with my husband for 12 years and together we have a 9 month old son, our first child. Ever since I got pregnant I have really struggled with what to do in terms of childcare. I really put it off until after he was born and made a huge pro/con list of our different options. What I ultimately landed on that I could stomach was hiring a nanny that would take care of him while my husband and I both work from home. So we are now living in that reality of the nanny taking care of him during the day while we’re squirreled away in our offices working. I get the opportunity to see him throughout the day, but literally multiple times a day I hear him cry or see things she does that I would do differently and I just have this instinctual desire to do it myself. I just want to be home with him as his full time caretaker. I want to be the one teaching him things, taking him to the park, watching him develop. I know I have it so good in my current situation but most days it just feels like it’s not enough. I feel like I sit at my desk for 8 hours a day, soak up the few hours I have with him before and after working, and then have little time to do anything else. I can’t stop thinking about being a SAHM and being able to clean my house, get in a workout, grocery shop and meal prep during the week, bake things, run errands & actually leave the house, go to the library and play groups, and just be with my son.

My husband and I have an incredibly solid relationship; he has a very tight handle on our finances and budget (in an uber responsible way, not like in a controlling way). He has all our finances mapped out and projections for the future and everything. On his income and our savings we can afford to live a modest life and have sufficient retirement savings. We’ll have to reel things in a bit but they’re doable. And the trade off would be me getting to take care of my son full time.

What I really struggle with when grappling with the decision on whether to be a SAHM is that I worked hard to get to where I am today in my career, and I have a promising career ahead of me. I have probably the most flexible situation I could ask for that allows me to see my son during the week. Am I stupid for giving that up? Am I selfish for giving that up? What happens when my child/future children go back to school and I am completely set back in my career/have to start over? My job has given me great opportunities and I’m currently taking on some new tasks; am I letting them down if I decide to leave? Am I letting my nanny down if we decided to let her go? On the other hand – if I have the ability and desire to be my son’s full time caretaker, am I letting him down by not doing that?

I change my mind about every five minutes on this. My husband is fully supportive of whatever I want to do. I don’t have many SAHMs in my circle so I feel like I’m missing a lot of that perspective. I would love to hear opinions/thoughts on this; does anyone out there have a similar experience?

Edit: Thank you all so much for your feedback! You’ve given me a lot to consider & I appreciate hearing everyone’s experiences

Relevant & Top Comments

Commenter 1: We're virtually in the same exact situation. I am 36, I work full time from home in a pretty lax job, I am good at what I do and make pretty good money at week (6 figs also if that matters). Except I have 2 kids (4 and 2) and my first year of motherhood I had to spend juggling work and my baby (covid luck downs so no daycare, couldn't trust nannies). Here is how I decided to keep working.

1. I don't love my job or what I do, but I do love my financial freedom and my ability to buy my kids anything they want, any treats, toys, trips. I try to balance my wfh style by not letting myself get sucked into a crazy 9 hours straight schedule. I used to schedule play time breaks during lunch and the afternoon when kids were home. As they get older they learn you can come play and then say goodbye when you have to go. I still do laundry while on calls.
2. We don't want to just retire. If possible, we want to retire early and travel. That's not something we can do on just 1 income. I decided we can also use some of the extra income to "buy back" our time. So instead of spending my weekends cleaning, I do a light tidy up at the end of the day and we have a cleaning angel come every 2 weeks to actually clean. It works for us.
3. We kept each kid home with a nanny until they were about 2yo, when they started itching for socialization and learning in a setting I couldn't give them. It was time for daycare then anyway.
4. Never make a huge decision for you and your family based on how the company or the nanny would feel. Those are financial relationships only. Do what's best for you and your family.
5. Using a nanny, daycare or even just asking Grandparents to babysit, remember: if you leave your child with them, you need to relinquish some control. They will never do it like you would, they can't. But you have to trust them to do their best and keep your child safe and happy as much s they can. You will never find someone who is a mom to your baby as well as you are.

I decided I wasn't ready to give up all the pros my job and career afford me for 1 year at home with my first and 2 with my second. I love them more than I can say and miss them when they're at daycare, but they're thriving and making friends.

Commenter 2: You are romanticizing being a SAHM, many of the things you list are not realistic until preK, and even then not really until full time school.

My kids are now both school aged and your list is NOW my list. But I spent 7 years drowning in tantrums and play dough to get here. Now I can meal prep, get in a workout, clean my home and not be 6 loads of laundry behind. But the stage of parenting you are at is VERY hands on and mentally draining. It doesn’t mean it’s not rewarding, it certainly is! But it’s not the dream people like to picture it as.

Reducing your hours and taking a pay cut would give you the best of both worlds. I’d explore that option first and if you find it’s still not enough, then you’ll have your answer and know what to do!

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[Update | November 19th, 2025 | 10 Months Later] Almost quit corporate job to be SAHM - Update

I posted here early this year when my son was 9 months old when I was struggling hard with whether I should quit my job and become a SAHM. I was overwhelmed, anxious, and constantly torn between wanting to be with my baby and wanting to keep the career I had worked so hard for. I wanted to come back and give an update because my entire perspective has changed in a really good way.

First, I’m so glad I didn’t quit my job. Looking back, so much of my inner turmoil came down to two things I didn’t fully understand at the time:

1. I hated our nanny. I didn’t realize just how much that was affecting everything. Her style didn’t mesh with mine at all, and hearing or seeing things that bothered me made me feel like I needed to be the one doing everything. When we eventually replaced her, it was like night and day. Our new nanny is AMAZING - warm, aligned with how we parent, genuinely loves my son, and I trust her completely. That one change relieved about 80% of the stress I was feeling.
2. I was deep in postpartum & anxiety without realizing it. Once I got farther out of the newborn trenches, my anxiety improved significantly. I can see now how raw and vulnerable that stage made me. It felt impossible at the time to separate my instincts from my fear, and a lot of my “maybe I should quit” thoughts were driven by panic, not actual desire to be a SAHM.

Now my son is so active, social, and busy that I honestly can’t imagine being home full time with him right now. He thrives with structure and stimulation, and I’m grateful he gets that every day. And on my end: I got new opportunities at work, I was promoted, I feel good at what I do, and I’m genuinely relieved I didn’t walk away from everything I’d built.

I still love being a hands-on mom but I no longer feel like I have to choose between that and my career. Keeping my job has given my family better financial security and has given me a sense of personal accomplishment.

If you’re in the thick of that decision right now, please know you’re not alone. Sometimes the problem isn’t work vs. motherhood but it’s the support system around you, the stage you’re in, or the fact that postpartum hormones make you feel like every decision is life-altering and irreversible. I’m grateful I waited & I’m grateful things changed for the better (and I am so aware of how LUCKY and privileged I am to be able to have a nanny for my son and the luxury of even having this choice on the table)

Happy to answer questions for anyone in the same place I was last year.

Relevant & Top Comments

Commenter 1: Glad you figured out the nanny situation was the real problem. Amazing how one bad caregiver can make you question everything about your life choices.

Commenter 2: Im working through this exact situation except with daycare! I think all of these points are totally valid and a helpful reminder! I’m glad this worked out for you.

I learned i dont care about my career and haven’t for a long time. I want nothing to do with corporate. It feels like a breath of fresh air for ME to quit and pivot to a new career, all while staying home with my baby while I work through it. I can always go back to what I did, maybe at less pay but I’m okay with that. I had a lot of pressure in my job and it made my PPA lead to extreme burnout and paranoia, all while people are being laid off left and right.

>OOP: I wish I had the clarity you seem to have!! And literally so valid to quit your job if you can swing it financially and it’s not fulfilling you anymore. Life’s too short to be unhappy

Commenter 3: I’m also going through the same thing right now but with daycare. I am in a weird situation with work but essentially I had to choose to get my job back or get a few more months at home and try to find a daycare spot. I immediately wanted to quit and be with my baby, but realistically my career would be over if I made that choice and I enjoy the financial freedom that my job gives me. I worked really hard to get here and it would be awful to give it all up knowing I could likely never get it back. Plus I know if I put in the time I would have plenty of opportunities to grow.

I sure will miss her every day when she goes into daycare and I’m sure our days will be very hectic with drop off/pick up’s etc, but I also feel like our interactions will be more quality and she would benefit from the kind of stimulation daycare will provide, especially at 9 months old.

Being a mom is so hard and there never seems to be a ‘right’ thing to do, just something that is right for you

>OOP: I feel for you!!! It’s so hard no matter what you do, it feels like you have no choice but to sacrifice something. I will say I do feel like it’s gotten a lot easier as he’s gotten older and more independent so it doesn’t feel so hard forever

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THIS IS A REPOST SUB—I AM NOT OOP. DO NOT COMMENT ON THEIR POSTS