AIO? Best friends mom always makes him question his identity
So my best friend since childhood is having some really severe self esteem and identity issues, and it’s really hard to see my friend struggle like this knowing full well who’s the source of those insecurities!
For context, I have known my best friend who we’ll call Lewis (22M) since we were children, we’re both part of the LGBTQ community and have had our various individual struggles throughout the friendship as a result. Of the two of us, Lewis has definitely struggled more due to being short, petite and more on the feminine side. For comparison Lewis is 5’7 slim and I’m 6’5 athletic, you wouldn’t immediately know he was gay by looking at him but it wouldn’t take very long to figure it out (and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that). I normally have to tell people I’m gay when they start asking about a girlfriend or kids. As a result I have always been very protective of Lewis. Ever since we were children his mom would make negative remarks about his femininity, there have even been times she’s said things to him like “why you can’t just be regular like Cee” referring to me. The remarks are never blatantly derogatory they are always hidden beneath care and concern, however after years and years of witnessing this I have come to realize that Lewis’ mom is the cause for his self esteem and self worth issues. He’s constantly trying to make himself more masculine and it’s always so obvious that he’s not being himself. It’s as if he takes the worst aspects of masculinity to make part of his identity. He thinks being cold and callous is the same as controlling your emotions, he thinks being rude is being assertive while he views things like communication and empathy as feminine. I know his mom is the cause of this but I have been having doubts about bringing this to his attention. Just the other day she texted the above to him on Facebook and shes constantly correcting his mannerisms or criticizing the way he chooses to style his long hair, which she wants him to cut because she associates long hair with femininity. I want to speak up but maybe I’m overreacting about the remarks and should just mind my business. I’d hate to speak up and that causes Lewis to get defensive because she is his mom.
Edit: I added the photo for context and to give an example of her various remarks over years. The remarks are never really anything blatantly hurtful but the constant criticism of his mannerisms is really having an effect on his confidence and acceptance of self.