u/Awkward_Tomorrow_675

(f/18+) i was wondering whether anyone has any opinions or experiences something similar but about a few months ago (coming up to a year). i was in a dark place, i only had a small social circle as a neglected a majority of my friendships or treated individuals badly as a whole including my family other than my younger sister. i was reckless, forming unnecessary sexual relationships and destroying my body. in destroying my body one of the things i’ve found to be surprising beneficial to me. i took 🍄 one day in june and it completely changed the world and the way i see it for one, the way i’ve seen certain situations in the past, other peoples perspectives etc. i learnt that in this life all people really care about is systems which do nothing positive for your mental health such as believing money and education take you everywhere. yes money is helpful and so is education but the system in which we believe it’s everything is a false narrative as life i learnt is mainly about connections you build and learning new things by exploring and actually living. i was taught how dangerous is was to think that there is only one path your life can go because life can change at any given moment so that’s what makes you feel depressed when life randomly switches from what you originally envisioned for yourself. i guess you could just call it growth as i learnt all the trauma i went through at the hands of other people wasn’t for no reason and they were in my life to build character development however at the time i was unmediated and neglecting my appointments so i honestly don’t recognise what else it could be. i reached out to a few people and took accountability for the things that i’ve done and they’ve accepted my apology because they described to me how different i now come across. according to them they can tell in the way i speak to them, the look in my eyes that i have genuinely changed for the better. i no longer go through intense depressive episodes however i do still feel emotions strongly for example on a night out not long ago i had what you can only describe as a “positive” breakdown. overwhelmed with happiness as i was hanging out with two friends i have hurt greatly in the past and they still care for me even though i don’t deserve it. to summarise, all emotional outbursts have been completely different than all my depressive ones and have all been positive and i was wondering if the 🍄 had anything to do with it…