Asslam
I’m looking for help regarding a matter with my family that I cannot find a possible solution for that does not end in me being disowned. I’m a female in my mid 20s and my family is trying to marry me off to a cousin around my age. For context I have been engaged to this man for over a year now but have been voicing for months that I no longer feel this marriage is suitable for myself. While I initially thought this is what I wanted, over the last 7 months I have realised this is not something that can go on any longer for infinite reasons additionally I have no feelings for this man and the idea of marriage has now become suffocating.
I recently made my stance very firm on the matter which resulted in huge fights and the conclusion is that I am not allowed to end this engagement as apparently my parents believe that Shaytan is controlling me.
I reached out to a relative I have full trust in and much to my disappointment he turned against me and I have now discovered that he has forwarded my conversations with him to my mother. My cousin is also now trying to play the victim card on my mother acting as though he’s trying so hard to please me but I’m the one shutting him down.
I feel so completely helpless and have no idea what to do. I assume someone will suggest reaching out to a local imam but unfortunately that’s not an option as I live in a small town where everyone knows everyone and everything and this would result in a much bigger problem if my parents find out I have reached out for help outside our home. I’m genuinely struggling so much with this as I feel I have lost all sense of security and trust in my own home. I cannot sleep or eat or function as normal and I have no idea what to do. Please keep me in your prayers.