TL;DR: 3 months in, strong chemistry and genuine connection, but about to go long-distance with no clear end date due to visa/career constraints. I'm not sure if our foundation is strong enough to survive it, but I'm also not ready to walk away from something that feels good in the present.
I (23F) have been dating my boyfriend (23M) for about 3 months (we've known each other for almost 2 yrs), and I've been feeling really conflicted about where this is going. We're both international students in the U.S. (non-citizens), studying tech. We're about to become long-distance: he's soon graduating and moving to San Francisco for work, while I still have 8 months left in school. This summer I'll either be doing an internship somewhere in the U.S. (still interviewing) or going back to my home country. I'm also trying to build my early career in the states, but it's quite hard given visa constraints. So realistically, we're looking at at least one semester of long distance, with a lot of uncertainty about what happens after that: we might end up in different cities or different countries.
On the surface, things are good. We have strong chemistry and I genuinely enjoy spending time with him. There's a real connection. Things are pretty serious and we plan the future from time to time. Love… maybe, I'm not sure yet.
But I've been noticing things that make me question whether this could actually work long-term:
Gap between words and actions. He shows care and says the right things, but doesn’t always follow through. For example, he’s offered multiple times to help me with academics or job searching, but it hasn’t really happened. It’s small, but it adds up.
Not feeling fully prioritized. Not in a dramatic “choose me over everything” kinda way. We’re focused on our careers, and I don't want either of us to sacrifice our future for the relationship. But I do care about the small things: being emotionally supportive, being responsive, making more plans and being on time for dates. We’re both busy students, it’s hard, but I feel like those are still the bare minimum and I don't always feel it.
We've both said we don't believe in long-distance. That's actually why his last relationship ended. About a month ago he told me "we'll make this work," but more recently, as him moving has gotten closer and more real, we've both become unsure again. Our future is so unstable.
What makes this hard is that I'm someone who wants a deep, long-term relationship, and I do want to build that with him. But I worry that what we have right now is more chemistry and attraction than a strong spiritual or values-level alignment, which is exactly the kind of foundation that LDR stress-test the most.
And we've only been dating for 3 months, which doesn't feel like enough time to confidently commit to something this difficult.
I can either:
Try long-distance and see how it goes, but risk getting more emotionally invested in something that might not last.
Or end things now: letting go of something that's genuinely good in the present, before it has a chance to become something more.
I’m not ready to let go. I care about him, I enjoy being with him, and I do see potential in him as a partner. But I also don't want to confuse "not ready to let go" with "this is right."
I guess my doubts are:
How do you know when a relationship is “not right” vs. just “not fully developed yet”, especially at 3 months in?
And how do you decide whether to keep trying or walk away when you’re both young and your life paths are so uncertain?
Any perspective from people who've been through something similar would mean a lot.