and not for the reasons you may think.
I was in the (I believe) 4th or 5th discard from this man.
Unfortunately, during the first few, I wasn't aware what was happening. I always thought the reasons were beyond his control.
But this last one, it hit so much harder.
I was left reeling for weeks. I spent every moment I could researching what happened, blaming myself constantly. Which is how I came across this subreddit.
I read everything I could.
But I was still stuck in the "discard" phase, he told me he was never coming back.
Maybe I just ruined it. I was the awful person he said I was.
And then I saw the hoovering.
It essentially made everything click. I saw the cycle exactly. It had happened before, and it was happening again.
I know I will still have up and down moments.
But I won today.
I accidently came across a screenshot of a message during the love bombing phase. A week ago it would've made me sob and spiral.
Today it made me CRINGE.
It's the first night I've been in bed alone and haven't felt the urge to contact him.
I am feeling proud of myself today.