As the title states. I’m in a state of self improvement and I suffer from such bad anxiety disorders. Yet I always use my next hinge match or the new girl I’m seeing to validate my worth as a man. I look in the mirror at 5’8 almost 105 pounds and I hate how I look. I then go online and post a story on Instagram or update my hinge profile then try to get girls to validate me.
Every time I try to look for validation I’m looking for the prettiest of the prettiest girl to show some interest. In my head I’m like “if this really attractive girl thinks I’m cute or shows me attention then maybe I’m worth something.” Sometimes really pretty girls like me and even date me but then the whole time I’m anxious and insecure then eventually end up sabotaging everything.
It’s a vicious cycle that I’m in. I’d have such a good connection with a girl and to me she’s not the prettiest but I’d instantly trade it for a girl who I barely connect with but she’s only a bit prettier to me. Now I’m at that stage where I want something long term but I feel like the girls I’m attracted to will never like me and I’ll keep playing girls until I find the “one.” This “one” will have to be exactly my type and love me for me. Which currently I think is impossible cause I genuinely hate myself.
Enough of the rant, does anyone know how to not to put your value as a man in the type of girls who are attracted to you? How do I just stop trying to search for prettier and prettier to validate me that I’m enough and just be okay with who likes me?