2nd yr dropper;
My parents always say that I'm preparing from last 4 yrs (11,12 and 2 drops) and i feel more like a 4 ys dropper now. I thought i will make this prep year productive but i couldn't. I am standing exactly where i was when i gave my first neet attempt. These two year have given me nothing but pain and suffering.
I have brain fog since late 2024 ( thou not diagnosed but my symptoms align exactly with it) and by now it has become very troublesome. I have trouble understanding simple things and when things go messy i become very anxious and irritated. I was never like this even in the times of stress i used to be in control of my body and mind, but these years have made me so disconnected with my own body and mind. Sometimes i feels so detached from the reality, like i'm physically here in this world but mind is elsewhere. Even when i'm writing this i feel very empty in my head, it's like i have no thoughts in my head. Brain fog is so real and so damaging.
Back in august 2025, I had severe vitamin deficiency, and was getting head spins, my eyes would twitch on daily basis, once my right side of face even got misaligned with my left side of face (my doctor ruled out stroke). I told my doctor about my symptoms and all she said "NEET ke baccho mein toh yeh saab hota reheta hai"...since when we normalized such things happening to us?
These years of prep have taken things that I loved, away from me. I've always loved dancing, and I used to be center dancer for all the dance programs in my school. Few weeks back I tried dancing and I kid you not I felt so awkward and weird in my body. I felt embarrassed to see myself dancing even thou I was all alone.
I remember when i first entered Aakash in 2022 for my preparations, i genuinely was so excited and happy to begin a journey of becoming doctor. Heck i even felt like a doctor when i was studying human physiology for the first time. I used to literally watch neet topper's videos online to know about their strategy all when i was yet to give my 10th boards.
I genuinely loved/love medicine, but sometimes i sit and think that is it even worth it now?? wasting 2 consecutive years on this exam where i gave my everything and yet couldn't do justice to me and to my parents. My parents have always been supportive, jahan couching ke liye bola waha admission karaya, kitne paise waste kar diye mujhe pr but phir bhi i can't clear this exam. All i have done these past year is just disappoint my parents, and tomorrow yet again i will disappoint my parents.
I know i don't want to end my life over this exam, my life is too precious to end over this but until i figure out my next plan, i don't think i'll stop thinking about neet and medicine.
Thanks for reading my rant.