Background: I have been raising my partner’s two kids (now 9 and 11) since they were 2 and 4. Their bio mom was largely absent for years and has only recently come back into their lives, currently getting a small amount of summer visitation through a court order. My partner and I also have two biological children together, ages 2 and 3, who have been raised alongside the older two as siblings their whole lives.
We are now separating. I have no legal rights to the older two kids and I fully understand that. My concern is entirely about the four kids and keeping their sibling bond intact as much as possible.
My partner would have primary custody of the older two. We would share custody of our biological children. My partner is also not someone who typically seeks out a lot of activities or outings with the kids, and I don’t think he would want to be solely responsible for all four of them for extended periods of time. So I’m trying to think through what a realistic schedule could look like that still allows all four kids meaningful time together, while also being manageable for everyone, assuming my partner is willing to facilitate that relationship.
Has anyone navigated something like this? How do you structure parenting time around two separate custody situations to keep siblings connected? And for those who have been in a similar position — how did you protect that relationship with stepchildren you raised when you had no legal standing to do so?