I matched with her on a matrimonial app. I liked how she had described herself in her profile (and some of her pics, but not all).
We have gone on 4 dates till now. After the 4th date, I penned down my thoughts about what I like about her, what I like about us, and what I think is holding me back to commit.
Links to my notes below:
So what's holding me back? :
- She's religious, spiritual, believes in numerology and some forms of ocult practices. She prays regularly, visits temples regularly, attends spiritual courses regularly and talks about numerology in different situations. I on the other hand don't believe in idol worship, I don't pray or visit temples regulalry. I am spiritual but I don't practice it or take up courses for the same. I don't like the idea of numerology guiding decisions in life. It feels delusional.
- Attraction: Except for our first date, she hasn't dressed well. It's always dull full sleeve shirts and some old trousers. It's quite an ooutdated look. Funnily, when I am with her in close proximity, I find her quite attractive. We are holding hands, cudling and feeling deep affection for each other. But when I look at her from far, I don't feel attracted to her because of her dresing sense, the way she carries herself and the way she looks. But when we are sitting opposite each other or next to each other, I feel the attraction.
- People : I am not sure how she would fit into the people in my life. The people I hang-out with and my own presentation and personality are very polished. She hadn't had that kind of exposure in her life because she is from a village, so she's is quite raw and outdated. That said, I do see her fit right in with my parents, because she is a genuine person.
- Influences: The people she gets influenced by are not polished or intellctually simulating. For example, she's paid for a course on starting her own business but one listen to the guy who was running that course and it felt so blah. His communication was so weak, and the people following him did not seem intellectual. It felt more like playing on people's insecurities. I wanted to tell her this but held back because I don't want to confuse her about it.
We've genuinely said "Love you" on few occasions where we felt it. But the above points are holding me back. So what's my question : Are the above points reconcilable or is this something that will start becoming an issue in the long run once the initial honeymoon phase of a relationship fades? Has anyone been in similar siutations in the past and thigns have worked out in the long term?
PS: I have health issues which sometimes makes me wonder if I'll be able to find someone who will tick off all the check boxes, because I don't have everything to offer myself. Also, we've decided to take a break to get some clarity on where we go from here.