I (23m) have been somewhat of a shy person most of my life and became a bit of a late bloomer socially. I’m not super attractive, but I consider myself to be relatively fit and good looking. And yet, my whole dating life throughout college and afterwards has been one big disappointment. I haven't had a real relationship before and I've tried so hard to go somewhere both during college and afterwards. Nothing ever worked.
I went to a pretty small university as I transferred in my junior year. While I had a small but good social circle, the big problem was that everyone I wanted was already in a relationship. I would go to the bars either with a group or by myself, I'd go to parties, I'd try to work up the courage to chat in class, and it never worked. The only thing I got out of college was this stupid "friend with benefits" thing with another girl only for about 3 months staring spring, and once summer rolls around she's like "let's wait until fall semester rolls around". And then I find out through her instagram stories that she immediately got into a relationship with someone else without telling me. It hurt, but I didn't miss out that much anyways.
Senior year was unfortunately nonexistent. Every crush I had either already had a boyfriend, was too busy, or they weren’t interested. It went like that constantly throughout the year. I get told the same statement of "it's way harder to date after college", and once the end of my senior year was rolling around, I had that dooming feeling like once college ends, it'll be way harder to get anything now. And the issue too was that back at home, I had nothing. I moved to a new location not too long ago and I made no connections there. Once college ends, it's back to zero.
The last time I ever tried to “get” a girl because of how I knew things after college was going to be so difficult, it all led to heartbreak and my best friend betrayal where he got what he wanted and he pushed me away. He's always been kind of a toxic guy, and seeing how I've been pushed around by him a lot and then he pushes me away when I needed help the most, it really broke me. I see him with this girl while I sit here reminding myself of my situation, and it really hurts. Every now and then I check online to see if karma really happened. But no, he's still happily with that girl and doing well in life, while I feel trapped, stuck, behind in life, and all alone.
Now that college is over, things have been significantly harder as it felt like I lost connections and have to start from scratch again. My town is dominated by a local university, so me not going attending there makes me more closed out. I have some bandmates now, but even when I asked if any of them have any single friends, all of them said no. And it's the same pattern every week now. I'm stuck living with my parents because the job market isn't allowing me to actually get a full-time job and move out despite me applying almost daily for over a year. I'm stuck at an evening part-time role I'm under qualified for while I'm trying to find a better job that I've done the past year but still can't due to the terrible job market. I've already tried going to music scenes, and everyone's already there with their groups. I tried voluntering for this one place but it was very small and very slow-paced, and it felt like a waste of time because I was just siting around doing almost nothing while I felt like I wasn't making a connection or doing something I felt like I wanted. I try going to bars or coffee shops but all I see are people busy with others while I stand around all alone, or social anxiety kicks in and I can't approach people.
I’m not some ugly, unattractive, and fat guy. I'm told by others that I'm good looking or that I'm a good guy to be with. And yet, I feel like no one ever chooses me like I'm still not good enough. Nothing but ghostings or rejections. I’ve tried dating apps to try something, and not a single match ever went anywhere. I hear the same advice every time online like "Work on yourself" or "learn to be alone". I hit the gym daily, I play music and play in a band, I keep my health in good check, I'm taking anti-depressant meds, and I dress fine. I'm already doing these things, and yet, It still feels like it's not going anywhere. I've already been alone my whole life, and when you get used to being alone, you stay stuck there.
I've tried. I've really tied. But I'm still feeling really stuck in life like I've made no progress. Every week it's being defeated and being reminded of my situation in public and online. Everyone else is moving forward with their lives well, while I feel very stuck and feel like no progress is ever being made. It back to seeing everyone else live their lives well, while I stand alone reminding myself in my own failures. It's the most depressing thing I've ever seen. I really don't know what to do anymore.
Anyways, sorry if this post is a little messy. Any advice on what I should do at this point?